I began to suspect something back in September, when my eldest son asked me, out of the blue, if I’d heard of Rav Dovid Siegel. But the real “bomb” hit when he and his family came to visit for Succos, and he introduced their aspirations of making aliya by saying, “Ma, I have an amazing hasgacha pratis (Divine providence) story to tell you. This will make a really good article!
“I was in yeshiva and noticed a brand new sefer on the shelf,” continued Shimon. “I took the sefer down and skimmed it. I was happily surprised to discover that the author’s unique approach fits well with the way I have been learning. I brought the sefer to my Rosh Hayeshiva, and he said he will look into Rav Siegel’s kollel for me.”
It turns out that Rav Siegel is the Rosh Kollel Emeritus of Kollel Toras Chesed of Skokie, Illinois, and is now the Rosh Kollel of Kollel Toras Chaim in Kiryat Sefer, a religious town in Israel. He is also the brother of Mrs. Malkey Adler, wife of Ner Yisrael rebbe Rabbi Yitzchok Adler. Moreover, he happens to be related to us through marriage.
When Shimon and his family returned to Lakewood after Succos, and the thought of my son, daughter-in-law, and almost-two-year-old granddaughter making aliya sunk in, I was devastated – especially since they planned to take a Nefesh B’Nefesh flight on November 30, just weeks after their second child was due.
I decided to cure myself of any resentment about their leaving by making myself part of the process. Although I found it difficult, I began researching apartment vacancies for them in Kiryat Sefer. I also talked myself into believing that having a son learning in a kollel in Eretz Yisrael would be a big zechus (merit) for our family and klal Yisrael (all Jews). Still, the idea of not being able to celebrate Yamim Tovim (Jewish holidays) together and not being able to watch my grandchildren grow gnawed at me.
As of this writing, procuring the birth certificate and other documents of baby Asher Pensak (who was born on the sixth day of Chanukah) is holding up the trip. In the meantime, I tried to gain insight and chizuk (strength) for this new tekufa in my life by polling those in our greater community about their personal experiences of coping and adjusting to their children’s aliya. This is what they told me.
Keeping Things in Perspective
Paula Weinstein’s daughter, Suzanne Weinberg, made aliya with her husband and family, 14 years ago. Mrs. Weinstein was so shaken by the move, she recorded her personal struggle with it in a very emotional and poignant account entitled, “We’ve Been Robbed of Our Nachas.”
Here are just a few excerpts: “Our daughter and son-in-law decided to move to Israel without paying attention to our needs, and despite the pleas and objections of their oldest two daughters..The farewells at the airport were somber…too many strangers and too little time to release the pent-up emotions..My husband and I watched all six of them disappear behind the gate – a final wave of hands disrupted a sixteen-year love affair between our grandchildren and us.. I suddenly felt abandoned, cheated, shortchanged, deprived, and saddened that my grandkids are across the Atlantic.”
Is it any easier for Mrs. Weinstein to cope, years later, I wondered? Do you ever get used to your children being 5,878 miles away from home? “Life goes on; new things come up,” explains Mrs. Weinstein. “You just go on. I’m still getting used to my husband dying a little over a year ago. That was harder than coming to terms with my daughter making aliya. It’s not an issue right now. That’s not to say that I don’t miss her. It was just her birthday, and I couldn’t just go there and take her out.”
I suppose having to face your children making aliya in the 21st century is a lot different than doing so even 14 years ago. Improvements in transportation, and inventions like email, instant messaging, and Skype certainly make the challenge less daunting.
If You Can’t Beat ‘Em, Join ‘Em!
Two of Yael Kaner’s four sons live in Israel: Yosef, 26, and his wife, Shoshanna, and their two-year-old daughter Ariana live in Givat Mordechai. Her son Naftali, 22, made aliya shortly after he married his wife Mindel, and they live in Maalot Dafna.
“I like to think that they made aliya because I used to make `Israeli movie nights’ and `speak only Hebrew days’ while serving them falafel and good Sephardic soul food when we lived in Rockville,” says Yael, who is extremely proud of her sons.
Yael stays in touch with them by phone and Skype. “I can play with my granddaughter; I joke about being able to babysit,” says Yael. “I made Ariana a picture book with the whole family’s pictures, so she knows our faces. I wrote in the dedication, `We are your history, you are our future!’”
Yael and her husband Yosef Kaner plan to move to Yerushalayim in the near future, where Yael will be a doula and a postpartum chef.
Ellen and Scott Paul, of Silver Spring, have two children who made aliya. Their 24-year-old daughter Ophra moved there last December, and 26-year-old Gershon moved at the end of December. “My husband and I are rather proud of them for taking this huge step,” says Ellen. “It is very hard to leave behind family and a great many friends and move to a new country. Fortunately, they both have some friends there who helped them with the transition and with navigating the system. Their friends are solid people who provide emotional support, as well.”
Staying in touch with their children is important to the Pauls, and they call Israel a lot. “It’s not like when I lived there 26 years ago; you had to wait years to get a phone in your home,” explains Ellen. “I called home twice in two years. I wonder how my mother coped with missing me. We wrote a lot, but it’s not the same.”
The last time the Pauls visited Israel was 25 years ago. They plan on making aliya when they retire, in about 13 years. Meanwhile, they hope to visit more often. The hardest thing they find about their children making aliya? “No hugs,” says Ellen.
Bernard and Susan Leibtag have two daughters living in Israel: Gila, 31, and Aliza, 24. Both are married to Baltimoreans – Gila to Donny Rose, son of Bill Rose and Ruth Rose, and Aliza to Elie Klein, son of Howard and D’vorah Klein. Gila and Donny have three children, and Aliza and Elie have two children. The sisters made aliya together on the same Nefesh B’Nefesh flight, September 7, 2008.
“What a day that was!” admits Susan. “We drove away from the airport crying. We kept asking each other, `Are you okay? And for a couple of weeks I couldn’t stop thinking about how far away they were. But we are extremely proud that our children and grandchildren are living in Israel,” continues Susan. “What could be better! Our parents raised us with a deep love of the Land and fervent Zionism – so it is a dream of our parents and grandparents that is being fulfilled, which is quite moving. We miss them, of course, but we sort of knew when they left that, since we have always considered aliya, this would probably be a tremendous motivation for us to do just that.
“I have to say that I’ve never seen my daughters and their spouses happier – there is a huge sense of being in the right place,” says Susan. “Now that we have gone there as parents of olim instead of as tourists, we have a totally different view of the country and how people live day to day – and we love it.”
The Leibtags have tried to travel to Israel twice a year, and try to stay at least two weeks, to spend alone time with each family, as well as lots of together time. They plan on making aliya in the near future, to Modiin.
Three of Barry and Florence Schleifer’s five married children, aged 33, 31, and 28, live in Israel, and a fourth wants to make aliya, as well. “We’re proud of them,” says Barry. “We know it’s the right thing to do, and it’s the best place for them, though we miss them very much.” The Schleifers speak with their children a lot, via phone and Skype. They saw their overseas children last Pesach, and a few years before that. They have also seen some of them when they returned to the States for simchas. “We just cope and look forward to joining them,” continues Barry. The Schleifers plan on making aliya, probably to Karnei Shomron. “It’s difficult not seeing our grandchildren growing up, and also missing the events in their lives,” admits Barry. “But we also see how they are thriving and how happy they are.”
I learned during this interview that, ironically, it was the Schleifers’ daughter Aliza who helped find Shimon and Tziporah’s apartment in Kiryat Sefer, where she and her family live.
Coming to Terms
When I told Mrs. Adler how I chose the topic of children making aliya, she told me such wonderful things about her brother, Rav Siegel, and his wife. Just hearing about their warmth, concern, and community-mindedness, I was consoled. By the time I hung up the phone, I had come to terms, as best I could, with my own children making aliya. But hopefully this whole article will be obsolete even before it goes to print – with the coming of Mashiach, bimheira beyameinu, when we will all be in Eretz Yisrael together!
