My friend’s daughter is now married with children, but I remember her twelfth-grade year, when the big seminary decision had to be made. It seemed so absolutely crucial at the time to both my friend and her daughter. The girl wanted to go to Eretz Yisrael, but there was a problem: The one seminary she wanted to attend didn’t want to take her. The school was very pleasant but firm in its refusal. It was quite traumatic for the mother, and I remember our many phone “sessions,” when she lamented why other girls got accepted and her daughter didn’t.
In the end, the young lady went to a seminary in North America. She had a good year, with a trip to Eretz Yisrael at the end, and she came home with many special education courses under her belt, which allowed her to become a certified teacher in only a year-and-a-half. Did she lose out by not getting her dream and going to Eretz Yisrael? No one can know that. But at this stage of her life, it doesn’t make much difference. She got a good shidduch anyway, b”H. No, her husband did not care which seminary she went to, and neither did his mother.
The above story will not make girls who are now in twelfth grade feel any better. For them, the decision looms very large, and philosophizing over how it will pan out years from now does not make the decision any easier. Still, exploring the opinions and experiences of other Baltimoreans might help gain some perspective. I therefore spoke to a number of young women who attended seminary within the last several years. I asked them what they gained and whether, in hindsight, they were happy with their choice. Of course, I heard as many different opinions as there were people. And though their experiences were as varied as they are, I hope it will be helpful to hear what they have to say.
Eretz Yisrael: First Choice
Last year, the vast majority of Baltimore high school graduates went to seminary in Eretz Yisrael. Their motives are some mixture of a desire for spiritual growth, independence, getting away from home, having an adventure, and being like everyone else. Parents also have mixed motives, but topping the list is their hope that the Eretz Yisrael experience will inspire their daughters and make them more mature. Whatever the motivation, seminary in Eretz Yisrael has been the trend for over many years. Girls who make a different choice are bucking the system – although with the economy worsening, one wonders if the trend will change. For now, most girls expect to go – and do go – to Eretz Yisrael. Here is what they say about their year.
Feeling the Kedusha
Many of the girls I spoke to felt that going to Eretz Yisrael was a wonderful experience, not to be missed. They enjoyed the classes, the tiyulim, and the opportunity to meet inspiring people. But the most common theme was simply the wonderful atmosphere of Eretz Yisrael, which is so different from what they knew in America.
“You can really feel the kedusha in Eretz Yisrael,” says Miri Isaacson, an alumna of Ateres. “When a Yom Tov is approaching, it is wonderful to walk through the streets and see that everybody is celebrating the same holiday that you are. You can go to the Kosel whenever you want to.”
Shifra Tannenbaum, who attended Seminar, commented that the longer she was there, the more she was able to feel the kedusha. When she first came, she went to the Kosel only once a month. But as the year wore on, she found herself drawn to the Kosel more often. “It is amazing!” she says. “If you have two hours free, you can go to the Kosel instead of to Target.” Even though Shifra had been in Eretz Yisrael for her bas mitzva, she was able to appreciate it more now that she was older. “The classes were not so different than the classes in an American seminary – they have great teachers here in Baltimore and also in Eretz Yisrael – but the atmosphere in Eretz Yisrael made the seminary experience so much more meaningful.”
“Yehudis” went so far as to say that, if she could not have gone to Eretz Yisrael, she would not have gone to seminary. “All the girls in my seminary were there to grow spiritually and not just to gain an education. Almost all of them left Eretz Yisrael with higher goals than those with which they came.”
Some girls discovered that, after being in Eretz Yisrael for a while, they found it easier to feel close to Hashem and to daven. Miri spent a lot of time walking in Yerushalayim, and had more time to think and reflect. She loved going to different families for Shabbos and seeing how they lived. She was very impressed that many Americans had cut their standard of living quite a bit in order to fulfill their dream of living in Eretz Yisrael. She couldn’t get over how many people are willing to have guests. “Everybody feels connected, because kol Yisrael areivim zeh lazeh – all the Jewish people are connected to each other.”
“Tova,” who was in seminary a number of years ago, now lives in Eretz Yisrael, where her husband has been learning in kollel for several years. She gives credit to the seminary she attended, Hadar, for giving her a tremendous appreciation for the value of limud hatorah. “They emphasized the greatness of having a husband who is learning and of being moser nefesh for his learning – for example, not asking your husband to help unless you really need to. “Tova feels that this hashkafa (viewpoint) would not have been the same in an American seminary, or even in other seminaries in Eretz Yisrael.
The ideas she was exposed to in her seminary were reinforced by what Tova saw around her: the many people in Eretz Yisrael who really live the lifestyle of sacrifice for learning Torah. She remembers being amazed by the crowds of people at a hachnasas sefer Torah who were joyfully dancing with the Torah. And on Yom Kippur Katan, which is the day before each Rosh Chodesh, she was amazed to see people actually act as if it were a mini-Yom Kippur. The shuls are packed with women davening with tears pouring down their faces. “Where in America can you see that?” asks Tova. “It was such a shock to come out of shul when I finished davening and see people shopping as if it were a regular day.”
Not all girls were completely happy with their experience in Eretz Yisrael. “Dini” says, “It would be much better if seminary were only half a year. Everything I gained, I could have gained in that time. It would cost less money, and more girls would have a chance to have the experience. Many girls in my seminary would have been happy to go home after five months.”
Of course, a successful seminary year depends on more than simply being in Eretz Yisrael. It depends on the principal, the teachers, the philosophy of the seminary, and, of course, on the girl herself. The match between the girl and the seminary seems to be particularly important. The Baltimore schools work very hard to know the pros and cons of each seminary and advise girls on what might be a good match. But one mother says it is the parents’ responsibility to do their own research. They should not leave the research entirely up to their daughters, who often apply to seminaries based on where their friends are going. “It is essential to check out the schools very well before committing yourself. Seminaries have different hashkafos, as well as different `personalities.’ You should see that they are compatible with your daughter’s needs.”
It is also true that some girls are not ready to go so far away and would do better staying closer to home. Homesickness can be a problem. Although many girls are homesick in the beginning, one mother I spoke to said that her daughter was homesick for three-quarters of the year. Another mother mentioned that, although her daughter very much wanted to go to Eretz Yisrael, the stress of being engulfed by new experiences and far from emotional support was too much for her, and ruined her year.
Seminary in Baltimore
This brings us to ask, does a girl really need to go to Eretz Yisrael in order to have the “seminary experience”?
Mrs. Sandra Friedman, who is a mother of many daughters and a big advocate of staying home for seminary, spoke passionately about her thoughts. “One benefit of staying in town is that the girls are able to build a close relationship with their teachers, many of whom are rabbanim right here in Baltimore. Aseh lecha rav, find a mentor, really comes alive for these girls. The teachers give the girls their cell phone numbers and make themselves accessible. It can be a lifetime relationship. These rabbanim understand the American lifestyle and way of thinking, and the classes are small enough that each girl can get personal attention and hadracha (guidance).”
Many girls I spoke to had spent years working hard and saving money for their one-year experience in Eretz Yisrael. These girls had a great year and thought that not one penny of their hard-earned money was wasted. However, Mrs. Friedman questions whether this is an appropriate way to spend the money, even if the girls earn it themselves. She wonders whether the money could have been better used for marriage and the future. “A girl can have a perfectly good seminary year in America,” she says, “and go to Eretz Yisrael for a couple of months in the summer to get a taste of Eretz Yisrael.”
Tehilla Diamond, a student at Bina, doesn’t think she missed anything. “You certainly don’t have to go across the ocean to have wonderful teachers,” she says. “I love it that teachers at Bina are pillars of the Baltimore community. Our principal, Rebbitzen Slanger, is very involved and caring with all the girls; we can talk to her about anything.” Tehilla adds that it is a refreshing change for her to be part of a small group, and says, “The classes are very interesting and practical. It is definitely not grade 13.”
Students who took college courses in their senior year of Bais Yaakov high school can get a B.A. from Bina in about two years. Second year students have a very flexible schedule. They can progress in their studies at their own pace, have a job while also being in seminary, and can even attend classes part time. Last winter, the Bina girls had an opportunity to go to Eretz Yisrael during winter break, on a “wonderful, wonderful trip” that was partially funded through a grant from the Center for Jewish Education.
Rachel Katz, who attended Maalot Baltimore over the past two years, feels very lucky to have found everything she was looking for in a seminary right in her own neighborhood. What Rachel enjoyed most about Maalot was its amazing staff of teachers, including Mrs. Ettie Rosenbaum, the menaheles. While she believes that nothing can compare to the environment of Eretz Yisrael – and Rachel did indeed apply and was accepted to Israeli seminaries – she feels that Maalot is the perfect combination of a seminary with top-notch academics that also treats its students like the adults that they are. “Maalot has a wonderful balance of textual and hashkafa-based classes, in which teachers convey clear lessons while allowing each student to incorporate those lessons into her life in her own way,” she says. Though some think that one must leave home in order to gain “independence,” Rachel feels that she had plenty of independence. Between a busy class schedule, spending time with friends, and planning chagigos and activities, Rachel hardly found time to come home anyway!
During her time at Maalot, the seminary also started taking its first-year students on a trip to Eretz Yisrael, which was the highlight of the year for many girls and rounded out their seminary experience with the same tiyulim and inspiration that their friends in Israel were receiving. The seminary’s accreditations and agreements with other colleges also enable its students to gain a large number of college credits towards a bachelor’s degree, and many first-year seminary students stay for a second year and complete that degree at Maalot.
One of the advantages of being in seminary in Baltimore, says a student of one of our local seminaries, is the privilege of learning directly from the top rabbanim and moros of our own community, which makes the post-seminary adjustment process completely unnecessary. The fact that the girls live in the same city as their teachers means that they can keep it touch with them and contact them very easily. By going to a local seminary, a girl can get a top-quality seminary package in a convenient and financially feasible way. “More girls should take advantage of the valuable resources that we are lucky to have in Baltimore,” says this student.
Close But Not Too Close
I was interested in finding out what an American out-of-town seminary experience was like. Girls who want to go away from home, but not too far away, have a number of choices.
Mirel Goldman is in Yavneh this year. “Yavneh is the BJJ of America,” she says. “It is a very good seminary with a big emphasis on learning. The learning is very intense and enjoyable.” Mirel loves doing the preparation herself and enjoys listening to the teacher elaborate with different mifarshim in class. One special aspect of Yavneh is that the teachers are older than in some of the other seminaries and have a very strong Torah hashkafa. After classes conclude, at about three o’clock, Mirel is involved in chesed activities. College credits are available from Yavneh, and if girls stay for two years, they can take college classes in the evening and earn a bachelor’s degree. The seminary also provides many extra-curricular activities, such as trips, Friday night onegs, and Shabbos meals together. Mirel especially enjoys the boarding experience. Many Yavneh girls develop a special, close relationship with their “families.”
Lakewood Seminary was a popular choice for some girls. I spoke to a current student, who couldn’t get over how much she loves it. She didn’t want to go to Eretz Yisrael; she wanted to be closer to home and also didn’t want to work so hard academically. Lakewood is very “hands-on,” she says, and offers courses in challa baking, dancing, vegetable and fruit platters, etc. They have shalom bayis classes, kalla classes, and chinuch classes. “We learn how to deal with our future children, have classes about special education and kriah (reading), go on trips, and have Shabbatons.” The Lakewood girls observe teachers every week and give two model lessons. This girl loves the dorm experience, as well. There are about 50 girls in the seminary, although some of them come for only half a day. “After speaking to my friends in Eretz Yisrael, who are working very hard, I don’t think I am missing out by not being in Eretz Yisrael,” she concludes.
I next got in touch with “Leah,” who is presently in Detroit Teachers Seminary. She was bubbling over with enthusiasm, “Detroit is an amazingly warm community. I can’t believe how soon I felt at home. It’s really wonderful! We learn a lot, the school has an unbelievable staff; the classes are challenging and very inspiring and really touch all those areas in hashkafa that a Bais Yaakov student wants to know.”
The Detroit seminary’s program is divided between the limudei kodesh classes and vocational skills, such as teacher training and computers, including bookkeeping, public speaking, and sheitel cutting and design. “The motzei Shabbos program and Rosh Chodesh trips are a blast!” says Leah. “Life in the dorm is a lot of fun and at the same time it is also a good learning experience. And I heard with more girls opting for DTS, there are plans to expand to meet the growing demand.”
Another option is Bais Yaakov Intensive seminary in New York, a huge place with 400 girls. Only about 70 are from out of town and stay in the dorm. “Rena” attended the seminary last year because of its emphasis on teaching. It is known as one of the best places to learn how to be a teacher, with many opportunities to observe and do model teaching.
Girls are free to do whatever they want after 3:00 p.m., including getting a job. As an “in-town” New York seminary, it offers no program on Shabbos, and girls have to find their own places to go. It is also not a place that provides a lot of personal attention from the teachers unless a specific girl seeks it out.
Sorah Rivka Sher Jaffe attended Bais Yaakov Intensive a number of years ago. She knew she wanted to be a teacher, and this was the best place to learn how to teach American children. “I had the opportunity to observe world-renowned American teachers, which is something I could not have done in Eretz Yisrael.” She feels that the experience of being in Eretz Yisrael can be gotten at another time, not necessarily right after high school. The truth is that `the seminary year’ is hyped up too much.”
Not Going to Seminary
And that leads us to another option: not going to seminary at all.
Mrs. Sorah Esther Goodman was accepted at a seminary in Eretz Yisrael but ended up not going because of the security situation in Eretz Yisrael that year. She was advised by her Rav not to go. Although she was very upset at first, she ended up working as a secretary at Bais Yaakov, where she also had the opportunity to teach some classes, and where she met Mrs. Hadassah Flamm, who became her shadchan. “It really wasn’t a bad way to spend the year,” she concluded. “Things that seem bad often turn out for the best.”
In one family with several girls, half of them went to seminary, and half did not. Asked for her opinion, this experienced mother says, “It’s complicated. It depends on who the child is. Some girls need seminary, and some don’t. Some really benefit, and some don’t realize how precious the experience is. It’s a hard thing to know.
“One of my daughters made it easy for us. She knew she was not seminary material. She never even liked camp. She told me, `I don’t like to stay up at night; I like to have my own space.’ She was happy to be home and attend an in-town seminary. A couple of years later, she married a fine professional who is kovea itim.
“Another daughter started community college right out of high school and then went to seminary when she was about 20. She loved it and benefited greatly. Another daughter started working after high school and got married when she was 19.
“Of the girls who went to seminary, some had a terrific year, but one girl had a disaster. She chose the seminary in Eretz Yisrael because her friends went there, and it was totally not for her. It’s very hard when your child goes through such pain, but she grew even from that experience.
“People say that you have to send a girl to seminary or she won’t get a good shidduch. That’s a big zero! It’s not true! All my girls got wonderful shidduchim at young ages. Anyway, the older you get, the more minute a role the seminary you went to plays on the `shidduch resume.’ Who cares?
“I admit we were worried the first time it happened. We went to a rav in town and said, `What should we do? She doesn’t want to go to seminary.” He said, `So, what’s the problem?” Then he brought up what was on our minds: He said, `Don’t worry about a shidduch. In the beginning, people will query – why didn’t she go? – but then they’ll get over it.’ His words were exactly what happened.”
All’s Well that Ends Well
Finally, I am reminded of a story reminiscent of the one at the beginning of this article. Many years ago, a girl who is now a grandmother in Eretz Yisrael was ready for seminary. She wanted to go to the BJJ (Bais Yaakov Yerushalayim) American program. For some reason she was refused. She felt rejected; why were the other girls accepted and not her? But this girl really wanted to be in Eretz Yisrael, so she applied and was accepted by BJJ’s Israeli program, an action that was considered “weird.” It turned out that, because she was in the Israeli classes and with the Israeli girls, she learned to speak Hebrew very well and integrated into Israeli society. She ended up living in Eretz Yisrael for all her married life, and now gives classes for Israeli college students all over the country. A situation that seemed to be second class turned out to be the best for her.
What can we conclude from this multitude of experiences and opinions? Just that many options for seminary exist, and, as with most decisions, there are many factors to consider. I think an important thing to keep in mind while going though the decision-making process is to keep things in perspective. Yes, seminary is important. But is it that important? Things in life sometimes happen in different way than you expect but ultimately turn out for the best. Remember that there is a G-d in the world, and He is looking out for you. Hopefully, all the current twelfth graders will find a good place for themselves and have a happy experience in their seminary year.
January 1, 2009
My friend’s daughter is now married with children, but I remember her twelfth-grade year, when the big seminary decision had to be made. It seemed so absolutely crucial at the time to both my friend and her daughter. The girl wanted to go to Eretz Yisrael, but there was a problem: The one seminary she wanted to attend didn’t want to take her. The school was very pleasant but firm in its refusal. It was quite traumatic for the mother, and I remember our many phone “sessions,” when she lamented why other girls got accepted and her daughter didn’t.
In the end, the young lady went to a seminary in North America. She had a good year, with a trip to Eretz Yisrael at the end, and she came home with many special education courses under her belt, which allowed her to become a certified teacher in only a year-and-a-half. Did she lose out by not getting her dream and going to Eretz Yisrael? No one can know that. But at this stage of her life, it doesn’t make much difference. She got a good shidduch anyway, b”H. No, her husband did not care which seminary she went to, and neither did his mother.
The above story will not make girls who are now in twelfth grade feel any better. For them, the decision looms very large, and philosophizing over how it will pan out years from now does not make the decision any easier. Still, exploring the opinions and experiences of other Baltimoreans might help gain some perspective. I therefore spoke to a number of young women who attended seminary within the last several years. I asked them what they gained and whether, in hindsight, they were happy with their choice. Of course, I heard as many different opinions as there were people. And though their experiences were as varied as they are, I hope it will be helpful to hear what they have to say.
Eretz Yisrael: First Choice
Last year, the vast majority of Baltimore high school graduates went to seminary in Eretz Yisrael. Their motives are some mixture of a desire for spiritual growth, independence, getting away from home, having an adventure, and being like everyone else. Parents also have mixed motives, but topping the list is their hope that the Eretz Yisrael experience will inspire their daughters and make them more mature. Whatever the motivation, seminary in Eretz Yisrael has been the trend for over many years. Girls who make a different choice are bucking the system – although with the economy worsening, one wonders if the trend will change. For now, most girls expect to go – and do go – to Eretz Yisrael. Here is what they say about their year.
Feeling the Kedusha
Many of the girls I spoke to felt that going to Eretz Yisrael was a wonderful experience, not to be missed. They enjoyed the classes, the tiyulim, and the opportunity to meet inspiring people. But the most common theme was simply the wonderful atmosphere of Eretz Yisrael, which is so different from what they knew in America.
“You can really feel the kedusha in Eretz Yisrael,” says Miri Isaacson, an alumna of Ateres. “When a Yom Tov is approaching, it is wonderful to walk through the streets and see that everybody is celebrating the same holiday that you are. You can go to the Kosel whenever you want to.”
Shifra Tannenbaum, who attended Seminar, commented that the longer she was there, the more she was able to feel the kedusha. When she first came, she went to the Kosel only once a month. But as the year wore on, she found herself drawn to the Kosel more often. “It is amazing!” she says. “If you have two hours free, you can go to the Kosel instead of to Target.” Even though Shifra had been in Eretz Yisrael for her bas mitzva, she was able to appreciate it more now that she was older. “The classes were not so different than the classes in an American seminary – they have great teachers here in Baltimore and also in Eretz Yisrael – but the atmosphere in Eretz Yisrael made the seminary experience so much more meaningful.”
“Yehudis” went so far as to say that, if she could not have gone to Eretz Yisrael, she would not have gone to seminary. “All the girls in my seminary were there to grow spiritually and not just to gain an education. Almost all of them left Eretz Yisrael with higher goals than those with which they came.”
Some girls discovered that, after being in Eretz Yisrael for a while, they found it easier to feel close to Hashem and to daven. Miri spent a lot of time walking in Yerushalayim, and had more time to think and reflect. She loved going to different families for Shabbos and seeing how they lived. She was very impressed that many Americans had cut their standard of living quite a bit in order to fulfill their dream of living in Eretz Yisrael. She couldn’t get over how many people are willing to have guests. “Everybody feels connected, because kol Yisrael areivim zeh lazeh – all the Jewish people are connected to each other.”
“Tova,” who was in seminary a number of years ago, now lives in Eretz Yisrael, where her husband has been learning in kollel for several years. She gives credit to the seminary she attended, Hadar, for giving her a tremendous appreciation for the value of limud hatorah. “They emphasized the greatness of having a husband who is learning and of being moser nefesh for his learning – for example, not asking your husband to help unless you really need to. “Tova feels that this hashkafa (viewpoint) would not have been the same in an American seminary, or even in other seminaries in Eretz Yisrael.
The ideas she was exposed to in her seminary were reinforced by what Tova saw around her: the many people in Eretz Yisrael who really live the lifestyle of sacrifice for learning Torah. She remembers being amazed by the crowds of people at a hachnasas sefer Torah who were joyfully dancing with the Torah. And on Yom Kippur Katan, which is the day before each Rosh Chodesh, she was amazed to see people actually act as if it were a mini-Yom Kippur. The shuls are packed with women davening with tears pouring down their faces. “Where in America can you see that?” asks Tova. “It was such a shock to come out of shul when I finished davening and see people shopping as if it were a regular day.”
Not all girls were completely happy with their experience in Eretz Yisrael. “Dini” says, “It would be much better if seminary were only half a year. Everything I gained, I could have gained in that time. It would cost less money, and more girls would have a chance to have the experience. Many girls in my seminary would have been happy to go home after five months.”
Of course, a successful seminary year depends on more than simply being in Eretz Yisrael. It depends on the principal, the teachers, the philosophy of the seminary, and, of course, on the girl herself. The match between the girl and the seminary seems to be particularly important. The Baltimore schools work very hard to know the pros and cons of each seminary and advise girls on what might be a good match. But one mother says it is the parents’ responsibility to do their own research. They should not leave the research entirely up to their daughters, who often apply to seminaries based on where their friends are going. “It is essential to check out the schools very well before committing yourself. Seminaries have different hashkafos, as well as different `personalities.’ You should see that they are compatible with your daughter’s needs.”
It is also true that some girls are not ready to go so far away and would do better staying closer to home. Homesickness can be a problem. Although many girls are homesick in the beginning, one mother I spoke to said that her daughter was homesick for three-quarters of the year. Another mother mentioned that, although her daughter very much wanted to go to Eretz Yisrael, the stress of being engulfed by new experiences and far from emotional support was too much for her, and ruined her year.
Seminary in Baltimore
This brings us to ask, does a girl really need to go to Eretz Yisrael in order to have the “seminary experience”?
Mrs. Sandra Friedman, who is a mother of many daughters and a big advocate of staying home for seminary, spoke passionately about her thoughts. “One benefit of staying in town is that the girls are able to build a close relationship with their teachers, many of whom are rabbanim right here in Baltimore. Aseh lecha rav, find a mentor, really comes alive for these girls. The teachers give the girls their cell phone numbers and make themselves accessible. It can be a lifetime relationship. These rabbanim understand the American lifestyle and way of thinking, and the classes are small enough that each girl can get personal attention and hadracha (guidance).”
Many girls I spoke to had spent years working hard and saving money for their one-year experience in Eretz Yisrael. These girls had a great year and thought that not one penny of their hard-earned money was wasted. However, Mrs. Friedman questions whether this is an appropriate way to spend the money, even if the girls earn it themselves. She wonders whether the money could have been better used for marriage and the future. “A girl can have a perfectly good seminary year in America,” she says, “and go to Eretz Yisrael for a couple of months in the summer to get a taste of Eretz Yisrael.”
Tehilla Diamond, a student at Bina, doesn’t think she missed anything. “You certainly don’t have to go across the ocean to have wonderful teachers,” she says. “I love it that teachers at Bina are pillars of the Baltimore community. Our principal, Rebbitzen Slanger, is very involved and caring with all the girls; we can talk to her about anything.” Tehilla adds that it is a refreshing change for her to be part of a small group, and says, “The classes are very interesting and practical. It is definitely not grade 13.”
Students who took college courses in their senior year of Bais Yaakov high school can get a B.A. from Bina in about two years. Second year students have a very flexible schedule. They can progress in their studies at their own pace, have a job while also being in seminary, and can even attend classes part time. Last winter, the Bina girls had an opportunity to go to Eretz Yisrael during winter break, on a “wonderful, wonderful trip” that was partially funded through a grant from the Center for Jewish Education.
Rachel Katz, who attended Maalot Baltimore over the past two years, feels very lucky to have found everything she was looking for in a seminary right in her own neighborhood. What Rachel enjoyed most about Maalot was its amazing staff of teachers, including Mrs. Ettie Rosenbaum, the menaheles. While she believes that nothing can compare to the environment of Eretz Yisrael – and Rachel did indeed apply and was accepted to Israeli seminaries – she feels that Maalot is the perfect combination of a seminary with top-notch academics that also treats its students like the adults that they are. “Maalot has a wonderful balance of textual and hashkafa-based classes, in which teachers convey clear lessons while allowing each student to incorporate those lessons into her life in her own way,” she says. Though some think that one must leave home in order to gain “independence,” Rachel feels that she had plenty of independence. Between a busy class schedule, spending time with friends, and planning chagigos and activities, Rachel hardly found time to come home anyway!
During her time at Maalot, the seminary also started taking its first-year students on a trip to Eretz Yisrael, which was the highlight of the year for many girls and rounded out their seminary experience with the same tiyulim and inspiration that their friends in Israel were receiving. The seminary’s accreditations and agreements with other colleges also enable its students to gain a large number of college credits towards a bachelor’s degree, and many first-year seminary students stay for a second year and complete that degree at Maalot.
One of the advantages of being in seminary in Baltimore, says a student of one of our local seminaries, is the privilege of learning directly from the top rabbanim and moros of our own community, which makes the post-seminary adjustment process completely unnecessary. The fact that the girls live in the same city as their teachers means that they can keep it touch with them and contact them very easily. By going to a local seminary, a girl can get a top-quality seminary package in a convenient and financially feasible way. “More girls should take advantage of the valuable resources that we are lucky to have in Baltimore,” says this student.
Close But Not Too Close
I was interested in finding out what an American out-of-town seminary experience was like. Girls who want to go away from home, but not too far away, have a number of choices.
Mirel Goldman is in Yavneh this year. “Yavneh is the BJJ of America,” she says. “It is a very good seminary with a big emphasis on learning. The learning is very intense and enjoyable.” Mirel loves doing the preparation herself and enjoys listening to the teacher elaborate with different mifarshim in class. One special aspect of Yavneh is that the teachers are older than in some of the other seminaries and have a very strong Torah hashkafa. After classes conclude, at about three o’clock, Mirel is involved in chesed activities. College credits are available from Yavneh, and if girls stay for two years, they can take college classes in the evening and earn a bachelor’s degree. The seminary also provides many extra-curricular activities, such as trips, Friday night onegs, and Shabbos meals together. Mirel especially enjoys the boarding experience. Many Yavneh girls develop a special, close relationship with their “families.”
Lakewood Seminary was a popular choice for some girls. I spoke to a current student, who couldn’t get over how much she loves it. She didn’t want to go to Eretz Yisrael; she wanted to be closer to home and also didn’t want to work so hard academically. Lakewood is very “hands-on,” she says, and offers courses in challa baking, dancing, vegetable and fruit platters, etc. They have shalom bayis classes, kalla classes, and chinuch classes. “We learn how to deal with our future children, have classes about special education and kriah (reading), go on trips, and have Shabbatons.” The Lakewood girls observe teachers every week and give two model lessons. This girl loves the dorm experience, as well. There are about 50 girls in the seminary, although some of them come for only half a day. “After speaking to my friends in Eretz Yisrael, who are working very hard, I don’t think I am missing out by not being in Eretz Yisrael,” she concludes.
I next got in touch with “Leah,” who is presently in Detroit Teachers Seminary. She was bubbling over with enthusiasm, “Detroit is an amazingly warm community. I can’t believe how soon I felt at home. It’s really wonderful! We learn a lot, the school has an unbelievable staff; the classes are challenging and very inspiring and really touch all those areas in hashkafa that a Bais Yaakov student wants to know.”
The Detroit seminary’s program is divided between the limudei kodesh classes and vocational skills, such as teacher training and computers, including bookkeeping, public speaking, and sheitel cutting and design. “The motzei Shabbos program and Rosh Chodesh trips are a blast!” says Leah. “Life in the dorm is a lot of fun and at the same time it is also a good learning experience. And I heard with more girls opting for DTS, there are plans to expand to meet the growing demand.”
Another option is Bais Yaakov Intensive seminary in New York, a huge place with 400 girls. Only about 70 are from out of town and stay in the dorm. “Rena” attended the seminary last year because of its emphasis on teaching. It is known as one of the best places to learn how to be a teacher, with many opportunities to observe and do model teaching.
Girls are free to do whatever they want after 3:00 p.m., including getting a job. As an “in-town” New York seminary, it offers no program on Shabbos, and girls have to find their own places to go. It is also not a place that provides a lot of personal attention from the teachers unless a specific girl seeks it out.
Sorah Rivka Sher Jaffe attended Bais Yaakov Intensive a number of years ago. She knew she wanted to be a teacher, and this was the best place to learn how to teach American children. “I had the opportunity to observe world-renowned American teachers, which is something I could not have done in Eretz Yisrael.” She feels that the experience of being in Eretz Yisrael can be gotten at another time, not necessarily right after high school. The truth is that `the seminary year’ is hyped up too much.”
Not Going to Seminary
And that leads us to another option: not going to seminary at all.
Mrs. Sorah Esther Goodman was accepted at a seminary in Eretz Yisrael but ended up not going because of the security situation in Eretz Yisrael that year. She was advised by her Rav not to go. Although she was very upset at first, she ended up working as a secretary at Bais Yaakov, where she also had the opportunity to teach some classes, and where she met Mrs. Hadassah Flamm, who became her shadchan. “It really wasn’t a bad way to spend the year,” she concluded. “Things that seem bad often turn out for the best.”
In one family with several girls, half of them went to seminary, and half did not. Asked for her opinion, this experienced mother says, “It’s complicated. It depends on who the child is. Some girls need seminary, and some don’t. Some really benefit, and some don’t realize how precious the experience is. It’s a hard thing to know.
“One of my daughters made it easy for us. She knew she was not seminary material. She never even liked camp. She told me, `I don’t like to stay up at night; I like to have my own space.’ She was happy to be home and attend an in-town seminary. A couple of years later, she married a fine professional who is kovea itim.
“Another daughter started community college right out of high school and then went to seminary when she was about 20. She loved it and benefited greatly. Another daughter started working after high school and got married when she was 19.
“Of the girls who went to seminary, some had a terrific year, but one girl had a disaster. She chose the seminary in Eretz Yisrael because her friends went there, and it was totally not for her. It’s very hard when your child goes through such pain, but she grew even from that experience.
“People say that you have to send a girl to seminary or she won’t get a good shidduch. That’s a big zero! It’s not true! All my girls got wonderful shidduchim at young ages. Anyway, the older you get, the more minute a role the seminary you went to plays on the `shidduch resume.’ Who cares?
“I admit we were worried the first time it happened. We went to a rav in town and said, `What should we do? She doesn’t want to go to seminary.” He said, `So, what’s the problem?” Then he brought up what was on our minds: He said, `Don’t worry about a shidduch. In the beginning, people will query – why didn’t she go? – but then they’ll get over it.’ His words were exactly what happened.”
All’s Well that Ends Well
Finally, I am reminded of a story reminiscent of the one at the beginning of this article. Many years ago, a girl who is now a grandmother in Eretz Yisrael was ready for seminary. She wanted to go to the BJJ (Bais Yaakov Yerushalayim) American program. For some reason she was refused. She felt rejected; why were the other girls accepted and not her? But this girl really wanted to be in Eretz Yisrael, so she applied and was accepted by BJJ’s Israeli program, an action that was considered “weird.” It turned out that, because she was in the Israeli classes and with the Israeli girls, she learned to speak Hebrew very well and integrated into Israeli society. She ended up living in Eretz Yisrael for all her married life, and now gives classes for Israeli college students all over the country. A situation that seemed to be second class turned out to be the best for her.
What can we conclude from this multitude of experiences and opinions? Just that many options for seminary exist, and, as with most decisions, there are many factors to consider. I think an important thing to keep in mind while going though the decision-making process is to keep things in perspective. Yes, seminary is important. But is it that important? Things in life sometimes happen in different way than you expect but ultimately turn out for the best. Remember that there is a G-d in the world, and He is looking out for you. Hopefully, all the current twelfth graders will find a good place for themselves and have a happy experience in their seminary year.
