When Hashem created the world, He created many trees, many fruits, many blades of grass, and many animals, but He created only one man and one woman. Why? To teach us that “Bishvili nivrah ha’olam – the world is created for me”: A person is entitled to believe that even if he were the only person in the world, Hashem would have still created the whole world for him. That makes each of us very special, and means that we can learn from every individual, from the ordinary to the most extraordinary. Some people go the extra chesed mile of allowing others into their personal world to learn from their experiences. Rabbi Eli and Mrs. Zakah Glaser chose to use their struggles with weight to benefit others. They created an organization called Soveya, whose mission is to educate students, parents, and teachers about proper nutrition and the Torah’s imperative to take care of our bodies through healthy eating habits. Here, Zakah discusses her challenges regarding weight as well as other ordeals in her life.
Food and I
“From the time I was in preschool, food played a central part in my life. I’d come home from school and get a snack. I’d sit down to read a book and get a snack. I’d keep on going back and forth to the kitchen, eating popcorn, cheese, cereal, rice cakes, or whatever else was available.” It got to the point where Zakah joined Weight Watchers when she was only eight years old. “I wore lightweight clothing for the weigh-in and slip-on shoes that I slipped off before stepping on the scale. I was already a professional dieter in elementary school.”
Children teased Zakah, but the comments from adults hurt even more. “You’d be so pretty,” they would say, “if you only lost weight.” Although she could sing, act, and dance well, and loved performing at school, she didn’t get cast in the leading roles, and was always in the back row in the dances because of her weight.
Following high school, Zakah went to Israel. “Learning there was the biggest spiritual high of my life,” she recalls. “I rarely felt the need to overeat and I lost weight.” While in Israel, Zakah became friendly with a former Baltimorean, Mrs. Sarah (Shirley) Glaser, who had made aliyah in 1988. Sarah took a liking to Zakah and suggested a shidduch with her son Eli, who was a student in Harav Yitzchok Berkowitz’s semicha program.
On the night they were about to get engaged, right before Eli was supposed to pick her up, Zakah got a phone call from a friend asking her to babysit because she was in labor. “But I have a date,” Zakah urgently whispered. “I have nobody else to come, and I am desperate,” her friend Gila begged.
When Eli came to pick her up with the ring in his pocket, Zakah told him the situation, and he gamely went with her to Gila’s house to babysit for her five boys while the parents left for the hospital. Eli proposed right there in the living room with the five little boys watching from the steps. A few minutes later the phone rang, and when Zakah answered, her friend Gila said, ‘Mazal tov!’”
“How did you know?” Zakah, asked in surprise.
“What do you mean,” said Gila, “I had a baby girl!”
The Struggle Continues
After Eli and Zakah got married, she gained 50 pounds by the time their daughter was born; Hashem blessed them with another child 16 months later. Living in Jerusalem with two babies in tow and Eli in kollel, she once again turned to the food for comfort and support. Knowing she had a problem, she tried going back to the diets. “But I couldn’t stick to them. I was always cheating. I went to a doctor and was mortified when he called me obese. I thought I was just ‘overweight.’”
After living in Jerusalem for a few years while Eli learned in kollel, the Glasers moved to Potomac, Maryland, where Eli worked as the educational director for Aish HaTorah. They lived there for two years and then moved to Boston, where Rabbi Glaser was the director of Aish HaTorah of Boston for nine years. In Boston, the Glasers had a chance to connect to other Jews and communicate some of the knowledge and enthusiasm they had received from their teachers in Israel. “We had lots of students,” says Zakah. “Our Shabbos table was full of guests, and it was meaningful to share the joys of Yiddishkeit with so many people. I made sure I cooked enough so there would be lots of leftovers.”
But Rabbi….?
At the same time, interestingly, Eli was having his own struggle with food: “Motzei Shabbos was the hardest. I had already eaten two full meals earlier in the day, not to mention some snacking in between. I certainly wasn’t hungry, and I wasn’t eating leshem melava malka. But I just had to eat. The magnetism of the refrigerator was overwhelming. Chicken or cholent, kugel or kishka, it didn’t matter. I was all consumed by consuming it all.”
Eli was up to 300 pounds and couldn’t stop, despite knowing the damaging effects of the weight on his physical health and emotional wellbeing. “I knew the frustration, turmoil, and humiliation of not being able to control my eating. And my credibility suffered. Here I was, a kiruv rabbi, teaching fellow Jews the wisdom and beauty of Torah and mitzvos, encouraging them to incorporate Judaism as the primary focus of their lives, and I couldn’t get a handle on my hamburgers. ‘Rabbi,’ they’d say, ‘I don’t understand. You keep kosher, daven three times a day, have all this structure in your life, and still…’”
Success at Last
Zakah’s weight continued to climb as she kept looking for a solution. “I was raising my children, teaching, and entertaining but constantly felt like I was in a food fog. I was lethargic and fatigued, confused, and frustrated. I went to great lengths to arrest my behavior, including hypnosis and even weight-loss spas. No luck. I was losing hope. One day, I saw an ad for a self-help fellowship for compulsive eaters. Although I had already tried that in Jerusalem, I started going again, and this time a spark of hope was ignited.
“I could relate and identify with lacking control when it came to eating. But inside, I wasn’t willing to completely let go of the food. Binging was such an ingrained habit. It was my crutch and confidante, as much as I hated it.”
It took another few years before Zakah could totally surrender; intellectually and emotionally, releasing her bond with food. But when she did, it was like a 1,000 pounds lifting off her shoulders. “I said, ‘Hashem, it’s your problem, not mine. Please, give me the willingness to do my hishtadlus.’ I needed to take the actions on a daily basis to eat in a healthy way and replace thoughts of binging with productive behaviors. But the key to success was in the Almighty’s hands. I was no longer the boss – as if I ever was.
“Thank G-d, 125 pounds have come off my body and stayed off for the last 11 years – through pregnancies, several moves, major illness, and, b”H, many simchos. More importantly, though, the obsession with eating is completely gone, the food fog a distant memory. Today, I eat to live, not live to eat. But my hishtadlus hasn’t changed. I take the same actions now as I did when I first began, because I know that I will always be susceptible to overeating. Complacency is a capital crime, making a daily commitment to remain in the care of Hashem, my cure.”
Eli’s story is similar: For years, he tried everything from Weight Watchers to Atkins to diet pills. He worked out incessantly; shot hoops, and ran around the track – only to go down 20, up 30, again and again. “I had a productive and meaningful life; a caring wife, and wonderful children – but no answer when it came to the weight. Until one day Hashem blessed me with the gift of despair. I needed a total and complete overhaul of my attitude and behavior around eating. It wasn’t an easy pill to swallow. It was a huge slice of humble pie – but the most important meal I’ve ever eaten.”
Eli lost 110 pounds in under a year, and has maintained that loss by that fundamental attitude change – it wasn’t about losing weight; it was about regaining a healthy relationship with food.”
Soveya – A Mission to Change Lives for the Better
After they lost the weight, the Glasers decided to reach out to others in the Jewish community and teach the methods they had learned through their own struggles. They moved to Baltimore in 2007 and started their non-profit organization, Soveya. They don’t just tell people what to eat and what not to eat but try to help them fit healthy eating into their particular lifestyle. They became certified nutrition, wellness, and weight management consultants.
“Using food inappropriately is a massive problem in the frum community,” says Zakah. “So much of our lives centers around food. Shabbos, Yom Tov, Shabbos parties, weddings, bar mitzvas, and other simchos are all occasions to indulge. Creating boundaries around food is part of serving G-d. We already have some boundaries, because we eat kosher and we make brachos. Soveya teaches people to build on those boundaries and create a healthy food environment for themselves and their families. When we work with clients, we identify what their unique obstacles are and help them develop strategies to overcome those obstacles, and then coach them through that process. Our goal is for them to develop a healthy relationship with food. Overeating and obesity lead to all kinds of health problems, and we have the mitzva to take care of our bodies that were given to us by Hashem,” she concludes.
The Glasers travel and give presentations about the Torah perspective on health and nutrition at schools and communities throughout the country. Their workshops are geared for teachers, parents, and children. They have given workshops at the Agudah and Torah U’Mesorah conventions. They send a newsletter to about 10,000 subscribers every week, which contains a dvar Torah connected to the weekly parsha and eating appropriately, as well as recipes, interesting tips, and articles to help people eat more healthily.
Is Shabbos Only for Eating?
“Some problems are unique to the frum community,” says Zakah. “The purpose of Shabbos is to connect to Hashem, to our family, and to ourselves. If we stuff ourselves with so much food that we sleep all afternoon, does that increase our spirituality?
Zakah describes what she does to avoid overeating on Shabbos: “I only prepare the amount of food necessary to serve everyone an adequate portion. That way, people are not tempted to eat more than what is healthy. I cook simply. I generally don’t use recipes that have more than five ingredients, and I stay away from sauces that mask the true taste of the food. My philosophy is that if you can’t understand the ingredients that are listed, you probably don’t want to eat it. Soda is made up of sugar and chemicals. My children make their own soda using our seltzer maker and a little fruit juice. For dessert we have special kinds of fruit that we don’t have during the week because of the expense or because they need extra cleaning. My daughter is the expert in arranging the fruit in a beautiful way so that it looks kavodik for Shabbos dessert.
“Shabbos parties with tons of candy are really a modern invention. Did our parents or grandparents have Shabbos parties when they were children? Probably not. Our children can learn to enjoy a Shabbos party that includes games, stories, and spending time with us. Of course, it is a lot easier to give them a bag of candy and go take a Shabbos nap. But is that the best way to be good parents?”
What If They Refuse to Eat?
“How do we deal with children who absolutely refuse to eat the healthy food that we serve them?” I asked Zakah. I was thinking about the last issue of the Where What When, in which a mother wrote about her son, who is so upset that school lunches are serving whole wheat bread and macaroni that he just refuses to eat it. It seems he would rather starve!
“First of all, we have to set a good example,” says Zakah. “If we eat healthily, our children will eventually emulate us. We should also educate our children about the dangers of eating junk and the value of keeping our bodies healthy. Just as we teach our children about Yiddishkeit by explaining the reasons for our emuna and our relationship to Hashem, in the same way we can teach them the value of taking good care of our bodies by explaining why it is important. We also have to have patience. Keep on serving the foods you would like them to eat, and eventually they will try it! I must have served one of my children broccoli 300 times before that child actually took a bite!”
In order to avoid the problem of their children eating all kinds of candy and soda at school, the Glasers have developed a special program with their young children. They give the rebbe or teacher a roll of raffle tickets at the beginning of the year. When the other children get candy or soda for a prize, the Glaser children get a raffle ticket. When the children have enough tickets saved up, they get prizes. Their son just won a remote control car that he is thrilled with, and it’s only November. Their daughter chose a new baby doll.
The Nisayon of Illness
Recently, the Glasers faced a very big nisayon (challenge) when their son Yossi was diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor. B”H, he is back in yeshiva now and doing very well. We should continue to daven that he remain healthy.
Zakah experienced the full benefit of the power of the community in helping her family through the challenge. “At the beginning, when our son was first diagnosed, we discussed if we should keep this a secret or let people know,” says Zakah. “It was not a hard decision for us to decide to tell people. We really needed the power of people’s tefilos.”
It is wonderful to hear how supportive and wonderful people were to the Glasers. Right after they received the original diagnosis and were talking to the doctor, Zakah’s phone beeped to remind her that she had to drive carpool. She called the school and through her tears told them that she had carpool and that she just couldn’t drive. The school took care of the carpool that day, and to the credit of her fellow carpool drivers, she didn’t have to drive carpool for any of the children for the rest of the year.
Yossi and Zakah were immediately flown by helicopter to Washington D.C. It was erev Shabbos and they were greeted by Bikur Cholim of Silver Spring. They provided them with siddurim, Chumashim, magazines, kiddush and havdala supplies, and food for Shabbos. On that Motzei Shabbos, 80 women gathered in the home of Chana Basya Rauch, Zakah’s good friend, to say tehilim. On Monday, a gathering at the home of Ellen Edinger said tehilim at 11 o’clock, the time of the surgery.
On Sunday morning, one of Zakah’s other children had a siddur play. “It was so hard to go from the ICU in the hospital, where we had just received this terrible diagnosis to a siddur play, a place of happiness and joy. I needed all my training as an actress,” says Zakah, “to pull that off with a smile. Chana Basya went with me to give me support, and after I told Rabbi Eisgrau what was going on, the parents at the performance immediately said some tehilim for Yossi before the performance began.”
Jewish Caring Network, Bikur Cholim, and Chai Lifeline have provided the Glasers with ongoing help and support throughout the whole ordeal in myriad ways that are too numerous to name. Here are just a few examples of their assistance: Since this took place three weeks before Pesach, Jewish Caring Network arranged cleaning help and sent food and paper goods. Zakah received a membership to the JCC, and she says that going there to exercise has been a real stress reducer. Bikur Cholim and Bais Yaakov sent girls after school to play with the younger children. “In fact,” says Zakah,” my younger children had a great time when Yossi was sick! They got so much extra attention.” Friends sent dinner daily and were careful to send food that the Glasers would be able to eat, sometimes sending different food for the parents and the children.
Yossi’s rebbi, Rabbi Shaul Sinsky, came to learn and visit with him every day for months, and the yeshiva (Rav Slanger’s) also sent friends every day to keep him company. When Yossi was having radiation treatment at a hospital in Philadelphia, the yeshiva of Philadelphia welcomed him with open arms. He became part of that yeshiva also, as he would go to the yeshiva to learn every day after his treatment, which only took a short time. On one occasion, two van loads of boys from the Philadelphia yeshiva came to visit Yossi in Baltimore.
“People cared so much,” says Zakah. “For months I was inundated with questions whenever I went shopping at Seven Mile Market. In every aisle, I would meet somebody who asked me how Yossi was. Even though it was hard and draining to answer so many questions, and it often made me cry, I would not say that I wish that they didn’t ask. It was meaningful to me that they cared.
“Now, a year-and-a-half later, people still ask me all the time how Yossi is doing and tell me they are still davening for him. I am extremely grateful to tell them he is, b”H, fine! It is such a nes (miracle), and I have no doubt that it is due in no small measure to the tefilos of our kadosh kehila. I think that most people in Baltimore know and appreciate what a special community we have here, but they should never need to know how incredibly giving, caring, and thoughtful the people here are during a time of crisis. The individuals, rebbeim, chesed organizations, and schools in Baltimore truly carried us through this tremendously challenging period, and my family and I would like to publicly thank each and every one of you for your support.”
Talking to Zakah was eye opening, interesting, and inspiring. Thank you, Zakah, for speaking to me. We can all learn from your life’s journey.
If any readers would like to speak to Zakah, she can be reached at 443-501-3082 or zakah@soveya.com.
