Let’s have a snack: How about chickpeas, a tangerine, or avocado and strawberry pudding?
When offered these items, most children would say, “No,
thanks.” To them, a snack is pretzels, potato chips, crackers, or
candy. Are there really children who think that roasted chickpeas or sweet
potatoes chips are the best snacks of all?
A little girl I know, Yael, age three, does not eat eggs, milk,
wheat flour, or sugar. I find it amusing when she offers me one of her roasted
chickpeas because they are “so delicious.” Yael’s diet leaves out many of the foods that most children eat,
but she is so used to it that she is thrilled with the special foods her mother
makes her.
Yael’s mother is able to
maintain this special diet because Yael is very young. I wonder how the little
girl will react once she goes to school and encounters the goodies the other
children bring or the teachers give as prizes. And what about the parties and siyumim, which
include a lot of nosh? What do parents who have chosen to feed their children
differently do? To find out, I spoke to some members of the community. It was
fascinating to hear the stories they told.
Oh,
Peanuts!
Families restrict
their children’s diets for different reasons. Health is the most compelling of
them. Some children are so allergic to certain foods that they could have a potentially
fatal anaphylactic reaction if exposed. An allergy to peanuts is the most
common of these allergies.
Things have
changed a lot from a few decades ago, when peanut butter-and-jelly sandwiches were
the near-universal lunch children carried to school in their lunchboxes or
brown bags. When Lori was a child, she was allergic to peanuts, but there was
no awareness at school about such allergies. Her class once made pinecone bird
feeders and smeared them with peanut butter. Lori had a severe reaction. Her
eyes became swollen and irritated, and her mother had to pick her up from
school. Today, in her children’s school, there is a sign in each classroom that
lists the allergies of the children in that classroom. But, although Lori and
her children are allergic to peanuts, she thinks that sometimes there is a bit
of overkill. “I think it is great when schools are peanut-free if a child in
the class is allergic to peanuts,” she says, “but if there is no one in the
class who is allergic, it is not necessary for that class to be peanut
free.”
Chana would
agree. She has an unusual peanut-connected scenario. Most of the schools in Baltimore
are peanut and nut free. I would have thought that this would not create much
of a hardship for most people as no one wants to cause an allergic reaction in
another child. But Chana taught me that it is not so simple. Her son has ARFID,
which stands for avoidant restricted food intake disorder. He is a severely
picky eater and will not touch most foods. This is not just a kvetchy kid but a child who will not eat
even if he is hungry. One food that her son will eat is peanut butter. Chana
has tried to get the schools to figure out a safe place – perhaps in the nurse’s
office – for her son to eat a peanut butter sandwich in school. So far, she has
been unsuccessful.
Do Not Open Sesame
Rochel has
four sons who had bad eczema as babies and tested positive to peanuts, tree
nuts, and eggs. Rochel no longer has to worry about her children staying away
from these foods because they are very aware of their own allergies. Some
of her children also avoid certain fruits and other foods that make them feel
itchy. The only food that Rochel worries about is Bamba because the dust gets
into the air. The school has been very cooperative and has gone out of the way
to provide egg-free substitutes when necessary. In the preschool where she
works, the teachers are careful to seat the children who have allergies at the
head of the table so they are not too close to the other children.
Rochel has a
special allergist, who has helped desensitize her children to some of the allergens.
She found it helpful and is happy to tell readers about this doctor. Readers
can call me, and I will give them her contact information. (410-358-5192)
Elisheva’s son is
two-and-a-half. “When he ate eggs for the first time at seven months, he turned
red and started itching like crazy,” says Elisheva. “One trip to the ER and an
appointment with an allergist told us that he was allergic to eggs, peanuts,
tree nuts, and sesame. He once touched a piece of bread that had sesame flour
in it, and had a reaction. We learned from this experience that he is
anaphylactic to sesame. This means that, if he ate it, he would likely stop
breathing.
“It was very
difficult to learn how to maneuver this allergy life; it was scary to learn how
many foods are dangerous. We were afraid of making a mistake and became very
anxious parents. Whenever we took him out of the house we couldn’t take our
eyes off him. We went to a party once and suddenly realized that the humus had
sesame, so we had to leave.”
Until their son
was two years old, a babysitter came to the house every day, and the family did
not allow any allergens in the house. “When he turned two, we started him in
preschool, says Elisheva. On his first day, someone sent an ‘everything bagel,’
and the teacher spent a good amount of time picking up the seeds from the
floor. After that, the school made his classroom sesame (as well as peanut and
tree nut) free. He breaks out in hives often, but the school just texts me and gives
him Benadryl.
“Every day we are
scared that something will happen. What if someone sends in food with sesame
seeds and one falls on his plate? What if a parent didn’t realize the
chewy bar was the peanut one and the child put a toy in their mouth after
eating it and my child played with that toy? What if a parent forgot that almond
milk is a nut, and it was baked in a muffin?
“Allergies are
complicated,” Elisheva concludes. “It’s annoying, it’s difficult, and the
snacks are more expensive. But we know we are keeping our child safe and alive.”
Gluten
and Dairy Dilemmas
Other
children are on a special diet because of intolerance to certain foods.
Their parents have found by the process of elimination that their child behaves
or feels better when he or she avoids certain foods. I asked a little
four-year-old who does not eat sugar why her parents do not want her to eat the
food at a birthday party in playgroup and had sent her a different snack
instead. She was not at all upset about the substitution, saying, “I think if I
eat the food at the birthday party it will make me feel sad.”
I spoke to
Adina, the mother of Rivka, a 10-year-old girl who cannot consume dairy. “It is
not so difficult to control what my daughter eats,” says Adina, because Rivka’s
stomach hurts if she eats dairy.” When the school served lunches during Covid,
Adina and her husband checked the menu and sent Rivka with food that was
similar to what was being served. Now Rivka takes care of herself. If the class
is having an ice cream party, Rivka will make the teacher aware that she cannot
have dairy and asks the teacher to bring in a substitute.
My
granddaughter has no problem with milk and ice cream but cannot eat bread. She
is on a gluten-free diet because she has celiac disease. (See sidebar). She told
me that she is very careful never to eat gluten because it makes her throw up.
She checks everything before eating it.
School
Days, Rule Days
Some schools
try to have the children eat healthy foods. Miriam, a preschool teacher.
explained, “I encourage the children to bring a healthy snack for the morning.
It is amazing to see how quickly the children get used to the idea and are
happy to eat fruits and vegetables together with their friends. We only have
sugary foods once a week, on Friday. I discourage parents from forbidding these
Shabbos party cookies to their children because it makes the children feel bad
and punished for no reason. Even if the parent sends in a substitute snack, the
children do not like to be different. We are also careful not to use food as a
reward and instead use incentives like extra recess.”
Tova, a
mother of five children, does not use foods with food coloring or high fructose
corn syrup. “For children who already have ADHD, food coloring makes it worse,”
she says. “It also affects behavior in other ways, such as impulsivity. I also found
that avoiding high fructose corn syrup reduces the craving for candy in general.”
Tova’s family
has been doing this for many years. The children have developed pride in the
system and would not even think of eating foods with food coloring that are
provided in school or camp. “Our family does not eat food coloring,” they
say. Tova sends a bag of treats without food coloring to school, and when the
teacher gives out snacks, her children choose something from the bag. Usually,
teachers are cooperative and understanding. Once a teacher gave Tova a bit of a
hard time, questioning if it was really necessary, and Tova did not appreciate
it. Her children also can come home and trade in the snacks that they didn’t
eat for other kinds of candy or a different prize.
With so many
different families and so many diverse experiences with food, this article
could go on forever. Every mother wants the best for her child, but what is
best is hard to determine. Each family must weigh the value of food
restrictions as opposed to their child’s psychological and social adjustment. The
teachers also must work to understand the values of each family and each
child. Each generation and each culture has its own understanding of
healthy food, and we all must work to find a balance.
Sidebar 1
Avocado
and Strawberry Pudding
Here
is the recipe for the pudding that Yael gobbles up with great glee. It is from
the cookbook Food You Love that Loves You Back by Rorie Weisberg:
6 frozen grapes
6 frozen cherries
10 frozen blueberries
1/4 c. strawberries
1/4 c. avocado
1 T. cashew butter
2 to 4 T. nondairy milk
Combine in a blender and serve.
Sidebar 2
