Administrator, Baltimore Bais Din
Reviewed By Rabbi Mordechai Shuchatowitz, Head of the
Baltimore Bais Din
As we approach Yom
Kippur, we hope to spend our attention contemplating the theme of the day and
how we can each better ourselves. One of the prominent aspects of the davening
of Yom Kippur is the Viduy, when we
admit to Hashem what we have done wrong throughout the year. Many of the
wrongdoings mentioned in Viduy relate
to different forms of improper speech.* While we often think of improper speech
as being lashon hara or ona’as devarim (comments intended to hurt
another), there is another, more subtle aspect to being careful with one’s
speech: the obligation to keep one’s word and verbal commitment.
This subject is
discussed in halacha, which gives direction as to when one must keep a verbal
commitment. Halacha views giving one’s
word with seriousness. We will examine this topic through three situations that
often come up in daily living.
Scenario One:
Yaakov is a talmid chacham who recently published a sefer. He printed a large number of copies for sale. He also has 20
copies that he intends to distribute as a gift to family and friends. Yaakov
has a very cordial relationship with his neighbor Binyamin. Binyamin is a
simple Jew; he keeps mitzvos carefully but has not had the opportunity to learn
Torah on a high level. Yaakov mentions that he is publishing a sefer in Hebrew. Binyamin expresses
interest in the sefer, and Yaakov
quickly tells him he will give Binyamin the sefer
as a gift.
The next day
Yaakov has a change of heart. Although he is very friendly with Binyamin,
Yaakov feels that he should use all 20 copies to give as gifts to his friends
and family who are more learned and could actually use the sefer.
Can Yaakov go back
on his verbal commitment to give Binyamin the sefer as a gift?
Scenario Two:
Levi is a
grandfather with five grandchildren. Levi deals in real estate and has had a
good year. He wishes to give a gift to all five of his grandchildren. He does
some calculations from the most recent investment he made and sees that he had
a profit of $55,000. He wishes to distribute most of this profit as a gift to
his grandchildren. He invites his grandchildren to his home and tells them that
he wishes to give them a gift of $10,000 before Sukkos.
The day after this
meeting, Levi has a change of heart. He thinks about his old yeshiva, Beis
Medrash Yisrael, which is going through a tough time financially. He thinks
that he should give a large part of this profit as a donation to the Yeshiva
and wishes he would have promised a smaller amount to his grandchildren. Can
Levi go back on his word to his grandchildren?
Scenario Three:
Reuven recently
had a baby girl. On Shabbos, he goes to shul to name her. He also makes a Mishebeirach for $100 to the shul. After
Shabbos, Reuven starts looking at his expenses and revenue. He is in kollel and
his wife is a teacher. While they can meet their expenses, they do not have a
lot of extra money. Reuven wishes to tell the gabbai of the shul that he regrets making a Mishebeirach for $100 and would like to reduce his donation to $18.
May he do so?
The Halachic Analysis
These three cases
all deal with the same theme – one going back on his or her word. While the
cases may seem similar, the halacha for the three cases is different. The
Gemara (Bava Metzia 49A) discusses a case where someone promised someone else a
gift. The Gemara differentiates between a large gift and a small gift. The
Gemara says that if someone promises a small gift (matanah mu’etes), the receiver relies on the giver actually
following through. The halacha for a small gift is the following: Even though,
according to the strict letter of the law, the giver may back out since there
was no kinyan (a formal act of
transfer, such as the receiver picking up the gifted item), it is still
considered to be unethical for the giver to back out. The halachic terminology
used for this is that the giver is “mechusar
amana,” lacking good faith. Even though he/she may technically back out,
the Gemara says that one should not do so.
A large gift is
different. For a large gift (matanah
merubah), the Gemara says that the giver is permitted to go back on his/her
word. The reason is that the recipient does not fully rely on the giver
following through. When it comes to a large gift, the receiving party realizes
that the giver may have a change of heart and is therefore not fully relying on
the gift actually happening until he/she actually receives the gift. The Gemara
does not even consider it to be breach of ethical conduct to change one’s mind
about a large gift, and clearly states that the potential giver is permitted to
go back on the commitment.
* * *
Let us return to
the above scenarios. In Scenario Two, Levi promised a gift of $10,000. It is reasonable to assume $10,000 to be a matanuh merubah, a large gift. As stated above, one is permitted to back
out on a verbal commitment for a large gift. Therefore, Levi is permitted to
back out on his gift to his grandchildren and use the money for another
purpose.
It is obvious that
Levi should still be a mensch in dealing with the situation. He should explain
the circumstances to his grandchildren and try to make shalom in the best way
possible. He may want to offer them a smaller gift for the sake of his
relationship.
Scenario Two is
different, where Yaakov promised a sefer
to Binyamin. A sefer is a matanah mu’etes, a small gift. As stated
above, Yaakov would be considered mechusar
amana – lacking good faith – for backing out on this commitment. The Gemara
assumes that Binyamin was relying on Yaakov to follow through, and therefore
Yaaakov is considered to be breaking his word. According to the letter of the
law, Yaakov can go back on this gift until Binyamin actually picks up the sefer, however, the halacha says that he
should not do so as it is considered acting in bad faith.
In Scenario Three,
Reuven made a Mishebeirach for $100
and then wanted to renege. This case is stricter halachically than the first
two scenarios. Halacha says that money promised to tzedeka is considered nidrei
mitzva, a vow for a mitzva. Just as
one cannot break a neder (vow) or a shevu’a (oath), one cannot break a
promise to give tzedaka. It is for
this reason that many people who give an amount for a Mishebeirach will say “bli neder,”
without the severity of a vow. However, if Reuven did not say bli neder, without a vow, his promise
would have the status of a vow and cannot be broken.
It should be noted
that the halachos related to this topic are complex, and any similar situation
may have some other factors that would change the halacha. As always, one
should seek halachic guidance for all scenarios.
We should keep the
above in mind when we approach Hashem during the Yamim Nora’im, and daven for siyata
d’Shmaya for care in what we say and the commitments that we make.
Rabbi Rosenfeld administers cases for the Baltimore
Bais Din. He can be reached at RYR@Baltimorebaisdin.org.
