I remember as a
little girl taking a nap on erev
Pesach in order to be able to stay up for the Seder. It was thrilling to get
dressed for Yom Tov and be part of all the excited hustle and bustle. We had a Seder
plate that my parents had created together out of wood, with a design composed of
colored pebbles. My mother made a special velvet curtain that went around the Seder
plate. It was very big and sat proudly in the center of the table.
We set the table
differently than usual. There were no plates or silverware, only the cup to
drink the wine and a Haggadah. The food was not the important part of the Seder
and only came out close to midnight. I remember my mother hurrying my father up
as it got closer to chatzos, because we had to eat the afikoman before
then.
I am not sure why
I anticipated the Seder so much; maybe it was the chance to stay up really
late. Maybe it was special songs that my family sung enthusiastically.
Sometimes at the end of the Seder, our cousins would come over to join us and
sing the old German songs together with my father. We sang Adir Hu and Ein
Kelokeinu in many languages, like German, French, English, and Yiddish. I
used to wish that the second Seder came at the end of Yom Tov so that I would
have something to look forward to – not to have all the fun at the beginning of
Yom Tov!
My parents seemed
to have been able to create an atmosphere of excitement and anticipation when
it came to Yom Tov, but I am not sure how they did it. I am also not sure if I
was able to give over that feeling to my children.
One thing is for
sure, you can’t fake it. It you want your family to look forward to Yom Tov,
you have to look forward to it yourself! If the parents are enthusiastic and
excited, the rest of the family will get into the spirit as well. Since every frum family wants their children to have
good feeling about Yom Tov, how can we accomplish that?
One thing is clear:
The things that people nostalgically remember are not the things that their
parents thought were important! You may be surprised what memories are
meaningful to others.
Cleaning
Of course,
cleaning for Pesach is a big deal and the attitude of the parents will filter
down to the children. Mrs. J. told me that when her family started cleaning for
Pesach, her husband put on exciting lively music to make it enjoyable and
included the children in the fun. If the parents complain and groan about all
the work, the children will probably dread it, but if parents show that they
love this mitzvah, the children can join in. I still remember my father lying
on his back cleaning the underside of the kitchen table with toothpicks while
listening to songs that we only listened to once a year – during Pesach
cleaning!
It is so
enlightening to ask others about their memories. When I asked my friend Miriam what
she liked about Pesach, she said, “I loved the smell of the new plastic
tablecloth on the Seder table and the freshly cleaned carpet.” I would never
have thought that a new plastic tablecloth had any significance at all!
Another friend, Tzippi,
remembers the special Pesach dishes with “Blue Boy” and “Pinky” on them from
famous British paintings done in the late 1700s. “We got the dishes from the
theater,” said Tzippi. “Every time you went to the movies, you got another
plate. I also loved reading the story of the Exodus from Egypt while my father
mumbled at the head of the table. We used these little Haggadahs that Maxwell
House Coffee gave out for free, and they had dramatic colorful illustrations that
brought the story alive.”
When I asked my
neighbor Simcha about his memories, his face lit up. “It was so much fun,” he
said. “I loved when the whole family got involved with cleaning. We took all
the toys outside and washed them in soapy water. It was exciting to search for
the chometz with a candle in the
dark.”
Another neighbor, Dovid, remembers, “I
used to go with my father to the car wash by the Milford Mill Giant near
Liberty Road to clean out the van; not sure why we shlepped there, maybe they had
heavy duty vacuums that were better at ridding the car of chometz? I do remember we were the only chometz cleaners there, and I was always
fascinated by the men in their Sunday morning track suits who spent three hours
shining the hubcaps on their 1988 Cadillac. I wondered why they needed to wash
their car in the first place since it was shiny and pristine when they pulled
up.”
Food
A lot
of memories relate to food. Anyone who came to my parents’ home over Pesach would
remember that the biggest treat was the chocolate-covered matzos. My mother
made bowls of chocolate spread using cans of Crisco shortening. I never see
those cans anymore, and people today would be horrified at eating such an
unhealthy fat. My mother encouraged the children to pretend to be vacuum
cleaners and pick up the crumbs from under the Seder table, and we were happy
to do it just to get a piece.
Some families have a special meal on erev Pesach, when you can’t eat chometz
anymore and you can’t eat matzah either. As one mother said, “Had I known that
fried schnitzel with mashed potatoes would become the erev Pesach tradition, I would never have started it!”
Other families make a special big breakfast each day of Chol Hamoed
that the family looks forward to all year.
Entertainment
Various families spend a lot of effort planning special Chol
Hamoed trips, but sometimes it is the smaller ways of having fun that are
remembered. Just connecting and bonding at home can also be fun.
My son remarked, “I remember fondly the
board games we would play on the floor of the apartment where we always stayed
when spending Yom Tov with Oma and Opa. Did we even own any board games? Cause
all my board game memories are of Risk and Stratego in that apartment. Also,
playing marbles.”
My younger sister, Chaya, remembers, “One of
my favorite Yom Tov memories was when my married siblings came, along with
interesting guests. I loved it when the house was hopping. I also loved getting
new Yom Tov clothes. The year that Mommy was niftar, I didn’t really
feel like shopping for Yom Tov clothes for my kids, but I did it anyway because
I wanted to give them that special pleasure as well.”
Seder Ways Old
and New
Two of my adult children remarked that they enjoyed having
the opportunity to discuss Torah thoughts freely and be able to ask questions
at the Seder. “The give-and-take at the table and the discussions were
something I looked forward to,” my daughter told me, “since the whole purpose
of the Seder is to talk about hashkafa
and emuna, and nobody has anywhere
else to go or anything else to do. It is a great opportunity to make everyone
feel important!”
New members to the family can bring new ways
of doing things. When my son Shlomie married Miriam (nee Cohen), we were
introduced to the tradition of throwing frogs and other plague-related items around
the table when reciting the makkos. I
was also very surprised when my son-in-law jumped up and stood on his chair to
recite Ma Nishtana! In his family the
Ma Nishtana reciter stood on the
chair!
A cousin, Shmuel, describes
his family’s tradition from the perspective of an adult: “In later years, my
father came up with something called Seder Bucks. It was basically a
picture of a dollar bill, which, instead of George Washington, had all my
siblings’ pictures photo-shopped onto it. If someone asked a good question, had
a good vort or a good answer, sang nicely, or didn’t slurp their soup,
they were entitled to a Seder Buck. The only person allowed to give out the
Seder Bucks was my father, and whoever had the most Seder Bucks at the end of
the Seder got absolutely nothing, because they were worthless and not even
redeemable for an extra piece of dessert. Basically, the whole thing was a
parenting scam to get us to sit nicely, not fight, and participate. And it
worked!”
When I asked my grandson
Chaim Yosef what he likes about Pesach, he answered with no hesitation at all,
“My favorite part of Pesach is looking for the afikoman – not the prize
(I don’t know if he gets one) but just the fun and excitement of looking for
it!”
Levi, another relative, remarked, “We did all kinds
of fun stuff at the Seder, played games and dressed up like we were leaving
Mitzrayim. It was my favorite time of the year.”
You can never know
when you are creating a good memory. From car washes to plastic tablecloths,
from plates to songs to new clothing, from frogs to the afikoman;
everything has the potential to become a good memory. We can only excitedly
anticipate Yom Tov ourselves and hope that that excitement will filter down to
the next generations.
