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P. 46
an approach to my dilemma? issues. You can make a separate deci- not doing well enough and that is why
BITING MY TONGUE sion as to whether or how to bring one you feel the need to tell me a better way
up independently of the other. Let me to do it.”
DEAR BITING MY TONGUE, explain.
It is clear that watching your chil- Naturally, some people are more
In general, rather than making a sensitive to being judged, and some are
dren live a lifestyle that is not reflective pronouncement that someone is doing less. Some are less affected by even an
of your values is painful to you, partic- something poorly and that you can overt negative judgment, and some are
ularly when you can see the problems show them how to improve, it is safer more. The relationship and history you
it will create down the line. While I can and more effective to engage them in a have with your children will also impact
certainly empathize with your frustra- conversation about it. A comment as this. If you have generally not been
tion, I would like to explore your ques- simple as, “Wow, your kids are wonder- judgmental and have always expressed
tion a bit. ful, but they can certainly be challeng- pride and confidence in them, they may
ing!” can be sufficient to begin a con- be less inclined to view a suggestion as
It sounds like there are really two versation about the trials and tribula- a judgment. But if, like many parents,
aspects to what you ask, and only you tions of child rearing. That might pro- more negative than positive statements
can determine how connected they are. vide the opportunity for you to offer to were what they heard, they may be
The first thing you mention is that you share how you dealt with similar diffi- more reactive.
see that the way your children are rais- culties, or what you had to go through
ing their children leaves much to be to realize you needed support and Parenting is easier to discuss,
desired. The second is that you have a guidance in this area. The operative because it is challenging for almost
theory as to the cause of this, which is term here is “offer.” If they decline, it is everyone. There is a reason there are so
the fact that they both work long hours. important to respect that. many books and lectures on this sub-
You further theorize that perhaps the ject! So the fact that someone is not
reason for this is their desire for expen- The reason this is delicate is that the perfect parent is not so threatening
sive things, which requires more money your children are adults. We all like to to his or her sense of self. The second
than they can earn with less work. think that we are doing a pretty good part of your question, however, needs
job of living our lives. When someone some additional consideration. There
I would suggest that you consider offers unsolicited advice, the recipient you are wondering if your children’s
splitting these and seeing them as two makes an unstated assumption: “I am values are a little off base. It sounds as
Under the “I make sushi for Shabbos every week and
Star-K my family really knows fish. With sushi you
K
cannot hide the taste with sauces. The
Home Delivery Bulk Food Service salmon we ordered from the Kosher Truck
was excellent, fresh and very high quality.
We will definitely be ordering again.”
Mrs. Hiroko Garry
Fresh Empire Chicken by the Case Fresh Chilean Salmon Filet ©WWW
By the side $8.50 /lb (side is approximately 3.5 lbs)
packed in clean and convenient trays By the case $7.50 /lb (around 10 sides)
Leg quarters (bottoms) 15-20 lbs, $2.40 lb Chicken in Bulk Packaging
Boneless/Skinless thighs 15-20 lbs, $5.25 lb Leg quarters $2.25 lb
Thighs 22-32 lbs, $2.40 lb Cutlets $4.25 lb
Cutlets 30-35 lbs, $5.50 lb
8 Piece cut-up 25-35 lbs, $2.75 lb Other products available
White quarters, 22-32 lbs, $3.40 lb
orders@koshertruck.com • 443-804-2838
42 u www.wherewhatwhen.com u
BITING MY TONGUE sion as to whether or how to bring one you feel the need to tell me a better way
up independently of the other. Let me to do it.”
DEAR BITING MY TONGUE, explain.
It is clear that watching your chil- Naturally, some people are more
In general, rather than making a sensitive to being judged, and some are
dren live a lifestyle that is not reflective pronouncement that someone is doing less. Some are less affected by even an
of your values is painful to you, partic- something poorly and that you can overt negative judgment, and some are
ularly when you can see the problems show them how to improve, it is safer more. The relationship and history you
it will create down the line. While I can and more effective to engage them in a have with your children will also impact
certainly empathize with your frustra- conversation about it. A comment as this. If you have generally not been
tion, I would like to explore your ques- simple as, “Wow, your kids are wonder- judgmental and have always expressed
tion a bit. ful, but they can certainly be challeng- pride and confidence in them, they may
ing!” can be sufficient to begin a con- be less inclined to view a suggestion as
It sounds like there are really two versation about the trials and tribula- a judgment. But if, like many parents,
aspects to what you ask, and only you tions of child rearing. That might pro- more negative than positive statements
can determine how connected they are. vide the opportunity for you to offer to were what they heard, they may be
The first thing you mention is that you share how you dealt with similar diffi- more reactive.
see that the way your children are rais- culties, or what you had to go through
ing their children leaves much to be to realize you needed support and Parenting is easier to discuss,
desired. The second is that you have a guidance in this area. The operative because it is challenging for almost
theory as to the cause of this, which is term here is “offer.” If they decline, it is everyone. There is a reason there are so
the fact that they both work long hours. important to respect that. many books and lectures on this sub-
You further theorize that perhaps the ject! So the fact that someone is not
reason for this is their desire for expen- The reason this is delicate is that the perfect parent is not so threatening
sive things, which requires more money your children are adults. We all like to to his or her sense of self. The second
than they can earn with less work. think that we are doing a pretty good part of your question, however, needs
job of living our lives. When someone some additional consideration. There
I would suggest that you consider offers unsolicited advice, the recipient you are wondering if your children’s
splitting these and seeing them as two makes an unstated assumption: “I am values are a little off base. It sounds as
Under the “I make sushi for Shabbos every week and
Star-K my family really knows fish. With sushi you
K
cannot hide the taste with sauces. The
Home Delivery Bulk Food Service salmon we ordered from the Kosher Truck
was excellent, fresh and very high quality.
We will definitely be ordering again.”
Mrs. Hiroko Garry
Fresh Empire Chicken by the Case Fresh Chilean Salmon Filet ©WWW
By the side $8.50 /lb (side is approximately 3.5 lbs)
packed in clean and convenient trays By the case $7.50 /lb (around 10 sides)
Leg quarters (bottoms) 15-20 lbs, $2.40 lb Chicken in Bulk Packaging
Boneless/Skinless thighs 15-20 lbs, $5.25 lb Leg quarters $2.25 lb
Thighs 22-32 lbs, $2.40 lb Cutlets $4.25 lb
Cutlets 30-35 lbs, $5.50 lb
8 Piece cut-up 25-35 lbs, $2.75 lb Other products available
White quarters, 22-32 lbs, $3.40 lb
orders@koshertruck.com • 443-804-2838
42 u www.wherewhatwhen.com u
