Page 54 - issue
P. 54
SHADCHANASKTHE The Shadchan Answers:
To the Shadchan: BY MASHE KATZ ou mention first your divorced
friends and the fear that the same
Iam a 26-year-old, nice, normal guy, to move to the next step, I start to see could happen to you. Yet I am sure
and I am having an issue with com- the bad traits. These could be a high
mitment. I think the problem is that level of anxiety, temper, putting others Ythat you have friends who are hap-
I have a number of divorced friends, down, or just plain selfishness. I don’t pily married. Why do you not look
and that number seems to be grow- see these issues in the beginning. at those friends and think positive-
ing. My parents are happily married, ly? Next, you state that you go out
as are my two married sisters – at least My parents tell me that when it is numerous times with a girl but get
I think they are – but this divorce thing the right one, I will know. I’m not so “cold feet” when it’s time to commit. (To
scares me. sure. In addition, I see that shadchan- paraphrase a saying of the outside
im are starting to get fed up with me. I world, “you date ’em and leave ’em.”)
What typically happens is that I go could have been married several times
out about 10 times, and I really like already and am starting to get scared. You describe a behavioral pattern
the girl. But then, as I am getting ready Will I ever get married? Maybe it is time that is well known to professionals. I
for me to take a break. call it being a “career dater.”
Before I continue with your person-
al situation, I must write a few words
about why people divorce. Good hus-
bands and wives are not born but
made. It is a relationship that requires
effort and determination. Years ago,
one married “for better or for worse.”
In my grandparents’ day, one would
not even think of divorce – and believe
me, in those days there were plenty of
reasons to divorce. People came to a
new country, with new ideas with a dif-
ferent culture and a difficult economic
50 u www.wherewhatwhen.com u
To the Shadchan: BY MASHE KATZ ou mention first your divorced
friends and the fear that the same
Iam a 26-year-old, nice, normal guy, to move to the next step, I start to see could happen to you. Yet I am sure
and I am having an issue with com- the bad traits. These could be a high
mitment. I think the problem is that level of anxiety, temper, putting others Ythat you have friends who are hap-
I have a number of divorced friends, down, or just plain selfishness. I don’t pily married. Why do you not look
and that number seems to be grow- see these issues in the beginning. at those friends and think positive-
ing. My parents are happily married, ly? Next, you state that you go out
as are my two married sisters – at least My parents tell me that when it is numerous times with a girl but get
I think they are – but this divorce thing the right one, I will know. I’m not so “cold feet” when it’s time to commit. (To
scares me. sure. In addition, I see that shadchan- paraphrase a saying of the outside
im are starting to get fed up with me. I world, “you date ’em and leave ’em.”)
What typically happens is that I go could have been married several times
out about 10 times, and I really like already and am starting to get scared. You describe a behavioral pattern
the girl. But then, as I am getting ready Will I ever get married? Maybe it is time that is well known to professionals. I
for me to take a break. call it being a “career dater.”
Before I continue with your person-
al situation, I must write a few words
about why people divorce. Good hus-
bands and wives are not born but
made. It is a relationship that requires
effort and determination. Years ago,
one married “for better or for worse.”
In my grandparents’ day, one would
not even think of divorce – and believe
me, in those days there were plenty of
reasons to divorce. People came to a
new country, with new ideas with a dif-
ferent culture and a difficult economic
50 u www.wherewhatwhen.com u
