Arizonan Robin Meyerson jokes that her husband Charles saves bodies while she tries to save souls. He is an electrical engineer who creates pacemakers and other lifesaving medical products. She, the mother of their five children (and a grandmother), is a former corporate marketing whiz and, most recently, a motivational speaker, teacher, and author, who has made raising awareness about Jewish burial her life’s mission. How did she make that drastic leap? Robin shared her inspirational story of Divine Providence when she came to town to be a featured speaker for Project Inspire.
The Beginning of a Journey
“My father is English and grew up in Australia after World War II; my mother likes to travel,” begins Robin, a native Californian. “My parents, who were both Jewish, wanted to show my brother and me the world, so we lived in Asia and Europe. They were really into teaching us about Judaism – but Christianity, Buddhism, and Hinduism, too. Everything was good and everything was right, but I was always searching for something. It’s a miracle that I actually married a Jewish man, because what were the chances? As long as he was a nice guy, they would have been happy with whomever I chose.”
When Robin was a 19-year-old college student, majoring in international business, she acted in the community theater play. Charles came to see it with two of his Evangelical Christian friends. Ironically, knowing that both their friend and Robin were Jewish, they made the shidduch!
Robin worked in marketing and sales for almost 20 years, including stints as a global marketing director for a Fortune 200 company and an adjunct business professor at a community college. She enjoyed her career, but as she was going through her deceased mother-in-law’s things, she asked herself, “What are my kids going to know about me? They’re going to know about my awards and my résumé, but they’re never going to see me.” Her mother-in-law’s passing prompted Robin to leave the corporate world to devote her attention to her family; it was also the impetus for Charles to explore his heritage more. They grew together.
“I had a big income, and I went to zero income. It was a real leap of faith,” says Robin, who began utilizing her marketing and writing talents voluntarily for Jewish causes. She started studying at the Phoenix Community Kollel; organized classes in her home; became a voracious reader of books about Judaism; and learned alongside their children who attended the local Jewish day school.
Robin Finds her Passion
Robin’s first exposure to the laws of Jewish burial was indirectly propelled by the former Rosh Kollel of the Phoenix Community Kollel, Rabbi Zvi Holland, who now lives in Baltimore and serves as a Kashrus Administrator for the STAR-K. He approached Robin about marketing the Kollel’s programs, which she did successfully. At the time, she had no idea what a kollel is, what a Discovery Seminar is, or what a chevra kadisha is.
When Robin attended a meeting in the home of Rabbi Yakov and Esther Bronsteyn, of the Phoenix Community Kollel, Esther asked her if she would be able to help with a tahara (the Jewish way of preparing the dead for burial); she needed a fourth person.
“I told her that I don’t know how to do that,” recalls Robin. “She said, ‘You don’t need to know anything; just come and I will teach you.’ So I went, and I was blown away by our Jewish traditions and rituals that are so warm and so loving. I never thought that I would be doing chesed work in anti-cremation. It’s not like I grew up thinking that one day I would do that, but after going to that tahara, it became my mitzva.”
Robin’s increasing involvement in the chevra kadisha over the last decade led to her becoming the West Coast director for the National Association of Chevra Kadisha, where she helps her fellow Jews on both a national and international level.
“When I did my first tahara, I realized that the body is just a body, and that the soul is really the person,” explains Robin. “When you see a person who has passed away, it’s clear that we are a soul; our body is merely a coat or a shell. When I saw that, it became so clear to me that the soul must be around and living on in our ancestors. We can maintain a relationship with the people who have gone on to the Next World by doing mitzvos in their merit.
“I actually wrote a curriculum – including worksheets and age-appropriate lesson plans – so that teachers can know how to teach the concept of the Next World to children K-12, and how they can do mitzvos in the merit of their loved ones. I’ve had rebbeim, rebbetzins, and curriculum people look at it to make sure it is good from both a social work and psychology perspective,” continues Robin. “I gave it out at the Torah Umesorah convention, so many schools have it. It is also available online, on the National Association of Chevra Kadisha (nasck.org) and the Chevrah Lomdei Mishna (chevrahlomdeimishnah.org) websites.”
A Personal Miracle, a Passionate Campaign
It was a miracle in Robin’s own life that eventually led her to spearheading a global anti-cremation campaign. “I have about 18 cousins and family members,” relates Robin. “Even though I became ‘the religious one,’ I stay in touch with them. About nine years ago, on Shushan Purim, I called my Aunt Myra, and she asked, ‘Are you calling because you heard the news that Uncle Arnold passed away?’ I said, ‘No; when did that happen?’ He had just passed away, and I asked when the burial was going to be. She said there wasn’t going to be one.”
Knowing that cremation was not the Jewish thing to do, Robin called her uncle’s children. They didn’t know what to do. For two weeks, her uncle was in the crematorium.
“The first miracle was that it didn’t happen fast,” notes Robin. “The second miracle was they didn’t touch him – because, usually, not wanting to destroy their ovens, crematoria cut out certain body parts: titanium knees or hip replacements or a pacemaker, for example. In our Jewish tradition, we don’t do that; we don’t cut. Finally, I decided I would call Chevrah Lomdei Mishnah in Lakewood to have mishnayos learned in memory of my uncle. I didn’t tell my cousins I was doing this, because I was calling them every other day asking when the burial is going to be and if they can please sign the papers to avert the cremation. They started wavering regarding the cremation because I kept calling.”
Uncle Arnold’s three children couldn’t decide what to do, so Robin called the mortuary and a Jewish cemetery in Las Vegas – even though she had no authority to do anything – and told them to be on call just in case her relatives changed their minds.
“Rabbi Moshe Haikins, of Chevrah Lomdei Mishnah, learned the Mishnayos on Tuesday,” recalls Robin. “Tuesday night, my cousin had a dream in which her father said, ‘Get me out of here; don’t cremate me!’ I didn’t know that she had a dream, and she didn’t know that I arranged for the mishnayos, but that’s what changed her mind. But there’s more! I flew into Las Vegas for the funeral, and my aunt said to me, ‘This is your calling; G-d is going to repay you!’ It’s the weirdest thing that someone would say to you at a funeral.”
Fast forward: A few months later, Robin wasn’t feeling well. She took a pregnancy test, and it was positive. “I didn’t think that I would be having any more children at the age of 44!” says Robin. “The baby turned out to be a boy. He was overdue and born right on Uncle Arnold’s Shushan Purim yahrtzeit! We called my cousins and told them we were going to name him after their father. When I look at my son, I am reminded that this is my mission from Hashem. It was such an open miracle that I had to tell everybody and anybody that cremation is not the thing to do. I did research, built a website, wrote a book and brochures, and gave speeches. Most Jewish people just don’t know this is about both the body and the soul, so I work to educate and inform.”
Peaceful Return
Robin’s brochures and website, “Peaceful Return,” are not overly religious, she says. Instead, their focus is on the ecological reasons that some people have for cremating. Robin sheds light on these misconceptions.
“Many people think it’s better for the environment; they have romantic images of scattering the ashes in the ocean or having Grandma with them in an urn on the fireplace. They don’t realize that burning is extremely toxic. They may also think that they should do it because there is not enough land in America. But there’s plenty of land. Environmentalists love Jewish burial. There’s no embalming; it’s a plain wooden box. It’s gentle, it’s natural. You’re not spewing mercury and smoke into the air as cremation does.
“As far as the ashes being a memory of the deceased, there’s no DNA in them, no actual remains of the person, even on a microscopic level,” continues Robin. “It’s nothing, just ashes. Even a kohen, who has restrictions regarding being near a dead body, can be around ashes because there is no person in the ashes. Also, eighty percent of the urns of ashes are not picked up; they just stay in the mortuary. Who wants that?”
Robin shares that on the West Coast, 75 percent of Jewish people are cremating; on the East Coast, it’s 25 percent.
“It’s not people’s fault,” she says, “they just don’t know. My cousins just didn’t know; everyone in Las Vegas is cremating. It is just a lack of awareness, a lack of knowledge of our 3,000-year tradition, a lack of being connected to our Jewish practices, and it’s the ‘in’ thing to do.
“Unfortunately, once cremation is in the family, it keeps going from grandparents to parents,” continues Robin. “I get calls from all over the country and the world. I help people decide what to do regarding burial for their loved ones. Sometimes we are successful in choosing burial; sometimes, the family has already made up its mind. The most important thing is pre-education.”
As mentioned in her brochure, “Frequently Asked Questions: Cremation or Burial?” Robin writes, “In many families, a child or grandchild may find closure and comfort in visiting the gravesite of their family members, experiencing a sense of belonging and continuity. With burial, this is possible because our loved one has a permanent resting place, and the family has a permanent memorial of the deceased.”
Robin notes that another reason that people choose not to be buried is because they think no one is going to visit their grave, anyway. She answers this question like this: “We wash and gently wrap the body and carefully lower it into the ground,” explains Robin. “Whether or not family visits, cemeteries are a place where the soul rests, and part of that person hovers there for eternity.”
When someone says, “I want my loved ones to stay with me,’ Robin advises them to save a piece of their clothing, put their photo in a locket, or cut off a lock of their hair. “Don’t cremate,” she continues, “because the soul suffers tremendously when there is a cremation; it is violent. Burial is natural; we gently put the person in the ground. It’s organic, and it’s what people have done for thousands of years.”
Robin explains that when a soldier has died, “We go to great means to find his body and bury it and show honor in a military funeral. When Jewish books are damaged in a flood or hurricane, we go to great effort to collect and bury them because we respect them. It is the same with our bodies. Our body is on loan to us; it is not ours to harm. In life, we wouldn’t hurt or burn ourselves, so, too, in death we don’t hurt ourselves.
“Burial is the gentle, loving, safe thing to do,” says Robin, “even if you do not believe in the soul or the religious aspect of it. There is closure when you have a burial. You can to go back and visit. We still go to Abraham and Sarah’s burial place to visit and pray.”
Money Should Be No Object
“Some people opt for cremation because it is cheaper,” says Robin. “However, there is a Jewish Free Loan where you can get a loan at no interest to pay for the burial, which I help people with. There is also the Free Burial Society in New York. I’ve had to bury some people there who were indigent; they died alone and had no family. There is also the option of pre-planning a funeral: paying for it while you are alive. In addition, there are a lot of old cemeteries that have inexpensive plots. Many Jewish communal organizations will subsidize the burial costs as well; money doesn’t have to be a factor.”
Robin recently helped open the South Florida Jewish Cemetery, a non-profit cemetery in Florida that offers very reasonably-priced funerals.
How do people find out about Robin? Through articles and by word of mouth, she explains. She also wrote a book called, From This World to the Next: Miracle Stories about the Afterlife, both from her own life and from the lives of other people, who have shared their experiences with her.
Parting Words
After leaving the corporate world to spend more quality family time, Robin is busier than ever balancing her many altruistic chesed endeavors with her family’s needs.
“It’s not like G-d gives me a crisis to handle every single day, but when there is a crisis, my kids know Mom is on the phone, Mom has to take care of this, because you have to take care of the niftar (dead person) instantly,” she explains. “Death and the Next World are not scary in my house, and we talk about it. We view going to the Next World as part of life. That is how I can balance it. We want to make it healthy, because if you make it scary, it makes it scary. Actually, once, when I had to fly to New York, my kids set up shiva for a family on their own.”
Robin’s advice for women who have young children at home? “Focus on your family. When your children are little, it is intense at home. What you can do for the Jewish world during that time is pray and give tzadaka. Our tefilos are so powerful! If you do have the time, even if you are a professional working person, I highly encourage you to volunteer. I learn Torah on the phone with five or six women, and although I am teaching them, I am the one gaining. I’ve made very deep friendships; you bond in a very deep, special way. You get more by giving!”
Visit Robin’s website, peacefulreturn.com, to get the information you need to make this important decision.
