It’s been almost five months, yet the Coronavirus still lurks among us. We’re getting used to living with a low level of anxiety. Will my family be safe and well? Will I have a job next week? We have no way of knowing, no sense of what tomorrow looks like. We all have a litany of negatives, especially masks and social distancing. Somehow, though, as we begin to emerge from certain restrictions, many of us are suddenly realizing the silver linings in the heavy COVID-19 clouds. Here are a few items on a list of lessons learned and aspects to be grateful for during this pandemic. Please share your own list with WWW readers for the next edition.

I am a parent of an extremely strong-willed ten-year-old boy. While he has many strengths, including organization, persistence, entrepreneurial spirit, and excellent executive functioning skills, his behavior both at home and in school is challenging to deal with. He cannot tolerate being told what to do. When he gets an idea in his mind, he follows through no matter what and hates hearing the word “no.” He thrives on engaging my husband and me in power struggles in order to achieve whatever result he wants at that given time.

Our main concern is his disrespectful way of speaking to me and my husband. The other challenging factors in raising a strong-willed child, we can deal with and manage appropriately. However, we have zero tolerance for the disrespect. We as parents have made that very clear to our son. It continues to be a big problem, though, which doesn’t seem to be getting any better no matter how much we try to work on this issue. It’s also becoming more of an issue in school, and his teachers are complaining that he is chutzpadik to them as well.

Dear Dr. Weisbord,

My daughter, who lives out of town, had a baby recently, and I went to help. I watched her three little boys for many hours. It was the first time I was left alone with them. My oldest grandchild, whom I find difficult to handle, was very chutzpadik to me, fought with his siblings, and did not listen to anything I said.

It happens that the birthdays of all three children were next month. I told him that I would be giving a present to his brothers but not to him because he was misbehaving. This threat did not help, and he continued to misbehave.

I bought birthday presents for the other children and mailed them, but I did not buy one for him. Perhaps I should not have made the threat, but since I did, I felt I had to follow through. Do you think I handled this situation properly? Was I too harsh? Did I overstep my bounds as a grandmother in being the disciplinarian?

In the aftermath of this incident, I am also trying to figure out what my relationship with my grandchildren should be, especially when I am left in charge. How can I be the loving bubby in my grandchildren’s minds?

Needs Bubby Lessons

Dear Dr. Weisbord,

We are fortunate in having our parents living nearby and invite them often for Shabbos lunch. My wife is generous and caring and has always gone along with this arrangement. My parents are rather outspoken, especially my mother. I enjoy their conversation and am used to my mother’s opinionated ways. I mostly take them with a grain of salt. She can tell me I shouldn’t allow a child to do this or that, or criticize their behavior, and I just nod and then do what I want. However, it upsets my wife a lot. Last time they came over, the kids were a little wild, and my mother criticized our six-year-old. My wife got angry and told her she had no right to discipline our kids. My parents were in shock and hurriedly bentched and left. It was extremely unpleasant. I don’t know where to go from here. Do we owe them an apology? Should they come less often? Should my wife chill out? Our children are fairly young now, but how do we explain the situation to them when they are older? Any tips would be appreciated.

Wants Family Peace Again

Dear Dr. Weisbord,

I am struggling with the decline of my favorite aunt and wonder if you can give me some clarity. What is the correct Torah hashkafa about visiting or being involved with a person with dementia who does not seem to recognize you or appreciate your coming to see her? Sometimes I think that it is useless to visit my aunt. Moreover, I feel certain, knowing that, if she had a choice, she herself would not want others to see her in her diminished state. As I try to interact with my aunt and get no meaningful response, I wonder if I should just follow the advice of an acquaintance, who told me that she had not seen her good friend for the 10 years before she died because the friend did not recognize her.

So here we are, back at school, with excitement and dread all mixed together. As parents, we begin the year (not unlike the children) hoping for a teacher who’s a “match” for our child and will create the setting for healthy growth and learning. We daven for our child to be successful, to keep up with the work, and to feel socially and academically adept. And, as always, we think about the optimum ways to help this happen: How can we become a true partner in our child’s education? What happens if we have concerns? Is it best to keep quiet and hope things work out by themselves? Or is it better to be proactive? Is there a “best way” to advocate for our children?