Dear Mr. Weisbord,

My married children came for Pesach, and after being together for a week, I got a good look how they are bringing up their children. I saw them screaming at their kids, punishing unfairly, and just “losing their cool.”

Both mother and father work, which they feel is necessary in order to provide for the family. Their long hours most likely contributes to their impatience, as they are always busy, with very little time to just “hang out” with their children and develop a relationship. I don’t know the details of their finances, of course, nor do I want to. But I did notice the expensive new clothes they were wearing and their constant talk about what they’ve bought recently and what they’re going to buy.

Dear Mr. Weisbord,

I have been married happily for almost a year to a very caring and kind man. Having been involved in shidduchim not so long ago, I remember how girls would talk about marrying a “top” boy. In stories, for sure, girls are always looking for “stars.” I can honestly say that I’m glad I married a regular guy, one with whom I have shared many wonderful moments. So what’s the problem?

I was listening to the messages on our answering machine and heard a message from a psychologist telling my husband that he needs to change his appointment to a different time. I thought: That’s weird; it must be a wrong number – maybe someone with the same name. Definitely not my husband.

My son wants to have a fancy bar mitzva in a restaurant. He wants a band, a photographer, and all the trimmings. We are simple people, and never thought it was necessary to spend so much money on an affair in order for it to be simchadik. There are two reasons: Hashkafically (religiously), we don’t believe in frivolous spending. We also try to be financially responsible and not spend beyond our means. Considering the many expenses coming up as our family grows older, we don’t want to blow it on this one event or create a precedent for the other children. How important is it to give our child what he wants? Should we stand up for our beliefs or give in to him so that he will feel equal to his classmates? Some of his classmates have had big affairs and some have had more simple affairs in their homes. My child is very competitive and always wants to have the best. Where do we draw the line?

Plain Jane Mom

~~Dear Mr. Weisbord,
I am married to someone who is described by everyone who meets him as a “great” guy. He is funny, handsome, a good provider, and nice – to other people, not to me. He wants to control me. He decides how the house is set up, how much exercise we get, when and where we go for vacation, how much money I can spend, what diet we are going on next, and what I should wear. He wants a certain “look,” so he even tells me which sheitelmacher to use. He makes all the rules, and if I express an opinion, he just ignores or overrides it. It’s “my way or the highway.”
I grew up in a stable family where things weren’t always perfect, but if I complained about a sibling or things being unfair, I was told to “make it work.” That was the family mantra. All my many siblings seem to have good marriages. Only I am very unhappy.
 

September 2005

Dear Mr. Weisbord,

I am a 25-year-old working boy who is kovea itim. Lately, I went out with a few girls I liked. It seems like what usually happens is that everything goes very well on the first two dates, and I get word that the girl likes me, too. Then it all collapses on the third date. We have nothing to talk about, and the date is a dud. Then she doesn’t want to go out again. Is this a common thing? What does it mean?

My interpretation is that we finished with all the small talk the first two times, but we are not yet ready to open up to the other person on a deeper level. I feel like all these relationships had potential if only the girl would not have ended it so soon. What do you say?

Dear Mr. Weisbord,

When my husband and I were dating, we spoke about the future. We both hoped to have an open house with many guest for Shabbos, and in the beginning, we did. Then as children starting arriving, that slowly changed to one meal per Shabbos. We have a beautiful family, but one of our children is very, very hard. He is 10 years old, bright, and very cute (while sleeping), but he doesn’t listen to a word I say – not to me and not to my husband. He is very obnoxious, only cares about himself, and is mean and selfish towards his siblings. I believe Hashem gave us our other children, who are extra-special, because of this child. I do not understand how this son can be so different from everyone else, as they are all brought up under one roof.