Dear Rebbetzin Weinberg,

I have been married 15 years, and it hasn’t been easy. My husband is a hard worker and a good provider. He is well-meaning, too, but he doesn’t communicate well, and has a tendency to blurt things out without thinking. He has really hurt me and the children many times. He doesn’t seem to be able to control himself or understand the ramifications of his speech.

By doing a lot of reading, I realize that my husband has adult ADHD. I know he won’t go to counseling. I don’t even think there is a therapy that could fix him. I have come to terms with the fact that my husband has this condition; this is who he is. I would just like advice on how to live with it. How can we keep from being hurt by his outbursts? How can I make a home without constant fighting? How do I make my life and the life of our children a happy one?

Dear Rebbetzin Weinberg,

We have been married for 12 years and have a few school-aged children. Lately, my husband has not been happy with the religious outlook the kids are getting in school. When they take out their parsha sheets on Shabbos, he objects to the things they have learned. Our Shabbos table used to be very pleasant. It isn’t anymore.

My husband wants to put the children into a more modern school. Nothing has changed about the schools they’re in; the schools are great, and the children are happy. I think it is my husband who is different.

When we got married, we both wanted the same kind of frum life. That was the basis of our marriage, and I never dreamed that it could change. But my husband seems to be gravitating toward a more modern lifestyle. He decided to switch shuls, because he said he didn’t like the people there. But I know that he did like the people. He wants to go to movies and other places we would not have gone before. And he sometimes makes remarks that sound like he has problems with emuna. I can’t bring myself to ask him if he has doubts; I’m afraid of the answer. I have recurring dreams (nightmares) in which my husband comes home and tells me he no longer wants to be frum.

Dear Rebbetzin Weinberg,

Years ago, we lived in an apartment complex. I got very friendly with one of my neighbors. We helped each other in many ways and had babies at the same time, etc. As toddlers, my friend’s children used to hit and push my children. I thought that her children just had a more aggressive nature, and I coped with it by supervising them closely and trying to keep them apart.

Eventually we bought a house and moved to another neighborhood. Well, it’s a few years later, and my friend just bought a house on our block. And guess what! Her children have not changed! When my kids go out to play, her kids make fun of them and exclude them. My kids always come in crying. What’s more, the bullies are rallying the other children to join them. Everything was fine before these children came to live here.

I mentioned the problem to my friend, and she got extremely offended. She said, “How could you say that! Your kids must have brought it on themselves.”

Dear Rebbetzin Weinberg,

My husband says Shabbos is a time to relax, and one of the ways he likes to relax is through drinking. He never drinks during the week, but on Friday night, the wine is plentiful, with a few bottles on table. Of course, he takes a shot of whiskey between the fish and the soup. On Shabbos morning, there is kiddush in shul, even though the shul is supposedly trying to become liquor free. On the way home, my husband might stop at a few friends’ homes, accepting a shot at each.

I hate drinking. Mostly, I’m concerned about our children. My husband can handle his drink. He is not abusive or even truly drunk. But how do I know whether my children will tolerate alcohol? I have a cousin who is an alcoholic; maybe there is such a tendency on my side of the family. The boys are teenagers, and they are already starting. They get a drink at their rebbes’ homes on Friday night, and of course there is lots of liquor at our house.

Dear Rebbetzin Weinberg,

My husband is a very generous person, and he loves to give tzedaka, give people gifts, and lend things to others. I also enjoy giving to others, but I have had some experiences where I lent things to others and they were not returned, or were returned broken. I have therefore become more cautious about lending expensive or important items to others. I am always nervous when we lend out expensive items, especially when it is done on a regular basis, but my husband always says that it is the right thing to do.

Dear Rebbetzin Weinberg,

I have been married to a wonderful man, who has been my friend and partner for many years. I know my good fortune, and perhaps that is why I feel very petty and a “kafooy tov” when I think of my “problem.” In all our years of marriage, it does not take the fingers of one hand to count the gifts that I have received from my husband. I suppose I should have guessed when I did not receive the customary gift of jewelry from my chassan at our wedding. I put that down to the fact that he had little of his own money. But in the years that followed, whether it was birthdays, anniversaries, the births of our children, and other events where such gifts are expected, I sometimes received only a humorous card, sometimes not even that, because he had forgotten.