Page 52 - issue
P. 52
In-network with most major insurances. The Right Words
Specializing in: commodity most people are short on these days, it will be
well worth the hour or so spent truly thinking about who is
• anxiety • trauma most suitable to be listed as a reference and then checking
in with them to make sure they are comfortable, capable, and
• life transitions • sleep disorders equipped for the task at hand.
• self-esteem • behavioral Finally, one should always make sure to list references
with whom one is still in touch and who can speak intelli-
• adjusting to addictions gently about the single and the family with up-to-date infor-
mation. Every so often, one should look over their profile and
medical issues (i.e. gambling, replace references as needed when there is someone more
shopping, internet) beneficial to list, or if there is a reference on the profile with
• depression whom one hasn’t been in contact for months. And, of course,
the new references should be contacted and informed that
• substance abuse they have been placed on the profile.
©WWW As a small, and most likely obvious aside, it is best to list
references from the most recent point in one’s life. Unless
9192 Red Branch Road info@embracecs.com there is a very real reason to do so, listing middle school
teachers, and even high school rebbeim for young men who
Suite 270 www.embracecs.com have been out of high school for four or five years, can make
people look askance at the profile.
Columbia, MD 21045 877-651-1841
In short, the references listed on the shidduch profile will
likely be providing the first impression on one’s behalf, and
one must be sure they are the right people for the job, and
are ready and able to complete the task efficiently and
successfully.
Receiving the Call: Positivity and Specificity
On the receiving end of a shidduch call, if one has been list-
ed as a reference, hopefully one has also been made aware of
that fact. This allows for a mental preparation of what one
will say and the ability to respond clearly and intelligently, so
one does not sound like one is just making things up as one
goes along.
Even if one has not been afforded the opportunity of
advance notice, however, it is of great significance to make sure
that the very first thing one says is something positive. The first
impression given is what will lead the call and build trust. If the
questioner senses hesitation from the outset, it can be detri-
mental to the call. Being that these conversations are general-
ly not very long, and often not followed up with a second call,
there isn’t much time to correct a poor first impression.
While this next point can be difficult if one is not expect-
ing the call, it is best to avoid generic words of praise when-
ever possible. Although it sounds nice to state that a young
man or woman is amazing, outstanding, fantastic, etc., it can
also give the impression that one does not know the person
well enough to say anything specific – which also begs the
question in the mind of the caller, Why was this person list-
ed as a reference? Or worse, the caller might assume that this
interviewee doesn’t really see any quantifiable maalos in the
single person being asked about.
If one is able to offer more specific praise, such as saying
that the young man or woman is kind, concerned about
44 u www.wherewhatwhen.com u
Specializing in: commodity most people are short on these days, it will be
well worth the hour or so spent truly thinking about who is
• anxiety • trauma most suitable to be listed as a reference and then checking
in with them to make sure they are comfortable, capable, and
• life transitions • sleep disorders equipped for the task at hand.
• self-esteem • behavioral Finally, one should always make sure to list references
with whom one is still in touch and who can speak intelli-
• adjusting to addictions gently about the single and the family with up-to-date infor-
mation. Every so often, one should look over their profile and
medical issues (i.e. gambling, replace references as needed when there is someone more
shopping, internet) beneficial to list, or if there is a reference on the profile with
• depression whom one hasn’t been in contact for months. And, of course,
the new references should be contacted and informed that
• substance abuse they have been placed on the profile.
©WWW As a small, and most likely obvious aside, it is best to list
references from the most recent point in one’s life. Unless
9192 Red Branch Road info@embracecs.com there is a very real reason to do so, listing middle school
teachers, and even high school rebbeim for young men who
Suite 270 www.embracecs.com have been out of high school for four or five years, can make
people look askance at the profile.
Columbia, MD 21045 877-651-1841
In short, the references listed on the shidduch profile will
likely be providing the first impression on one’s behalf, and
one must be sure they are the right people for the job, and
are ready and able to complete the task efficiently and
successfully.
Receiving the Call: Positivity and Specificity
On the receiving end of a shidduch call, if one has been list-
ed as a reference, hopefully one has also been made aware of
that fact. This allows for a mental preparation of what one
will say and the ability to respond clearly and intelligently, so
one does not sound like one is just making things up as one
goes along.
Even if one has not been afforded the opportunity of
advance notice, however, it is of great significance to make sure
that the very first thing one says is something positive. The first
impression given is what will lead the call and build trust. If the
questioner senses hesitation from the outset, it can be detri-
mental to the call. Being that these conversations are general-
ly not very long, and often not followed up with a second call,
there isn’t much time to correct a poor first impression.
While this next point can be difficult if one is not expect-
ing the call, it is best to avoid generic words of praise when-
ever possible. Although it sounds nice to state that a young
man or woman is amazing, outstanding, fantastic, etc., it can
also give the impression that one does not know the person
well enough to say anything specific – which also begs the
question in the mind of the caller, Why was this person list-
ed as a reference? Or worse, the caller might assume that this
interviewee doesn’t really see any quantifiable maalos in the
single person being asked about.
If one is able to offer more specific praise, such as saying
that the young man or woman is kind, concerned about
44 u www.wherewhatwhen.com u
