Page 53 - issue
P. 53
The Right Words Doris (Moshe) Goldstein
and Yitzchok (Esther) Fisher
others, tzanua, emotionally intelligent, always makes good wish to express thanks and
use of their time, is dedicated to learning, very strong in their appreciation to everyone
Yiddishkeit, is great with children, is a mevater and doesn’t who attended minyanim,
insist on always getting their way, etc., it makes a much brought food, sent cards,
stronger impact and gives a much better impression. called and visited during
shiva for our mother,
Furthermore, it is generally after generic praise that the "Bubbe" Fema Fisher.
questioner begins to ask pointed questions that are both
hard to answer and most times irrelevant to what will make ©WWW
for a good shidduch. It becomes a fishing expedition. Being
able to share specific maalos and give examples of them can
keep the conversation from floating off into the ethereal,
immaterial, and hypothetical.
Keeping Your Poise
But what happens when one was not prepared to receive the
call and cannot think of anything specific to say at the
moment? The worst thing to do is to stumble. When a ques-
tioner senses uncertainty or hesitation, the first thought is
frequently that the person on the other end is either avoiding
sharing negative information or is hiding something. It is of
the utmost importance to never sound unsure of oneself or
reticent during a shidduch call.
The best thing to do in such a scenario is to politely tell
the person calling, “Yes, I know the young man/woman, they
are wonderful, and I am happy to have this conversation. But
now is not a good time for me to speak. When can we
reschedule the conversation?”
This gives one the opportunity to gather one’s thoughts,
put together decisive qualities to share, and share them con-
fidently and succinctly, especially if one is a little out of touch
with the single or their family. Rather than saying, “Oh, I don’t
really know them that well anymore,” which looks bad for
everyone, when one instead asks to reschedule for a more
convenient time, it leaves a fine impression all around and
grants a reprieve to prepare for a conversation that will be
helpful and tachlisdik.
Similarly, if one receives a shidduch call when they are
doing dishes, putting the kids to bed, out shopping, or other-
wise stressed and occupied, it is best to employ the same tac-
tic. We live in a day and age where everyone’s time and atten-
tion are taxed to the max, and no one will think twice about
a response of “I am really sorry, but it’s very hectic here right
now, and I really want to give this conversation the proper
attention. Can we try and talk a little later?”
Granted, there can be a feeling of pressure to have the
conversation immediately because one may fear that one will
let the single down by pushing off the call; but much more
damage can be done as a result of a poor conversation that
sounds as if one is unenthusiastic, disinterested, or has noth-
ing good to say than can be done by making the very reason-
able request to postpone a phone call that was not pre-
arranged. It’s the most understandable of requests and indi-
cates a sincerity and devotion to taking the call seriously.
u 410 358 8509 u 45
and Yitzchok (Esther) Fisher
others, tzanua, emotionally intelligent, always makes good wish to express thanks and
use of their time, is dedicated to learning, very strong in their appreciation to everyone
Yiddishkeit, is great with children, is a mevater and doesn’t who attended minyanim,
insist on always getting their way, etc., it makes a much brought food, sent cards,
stronger impact and gives a much better impression. called and visited during
shiva for our mother,
Furthermore, it is generally after generic praise that the "Bubbe" Fema Fisher.
questioner begins to ask pointed questions that are both
hard to answer and most times irrelevant to what will make ©WWW
for a good shidduch. It becomes a fishing expedition. Being
able to share specific maalos and give examples of them can
keep the conversation from floating off into the ethereal,
immaterial, and hypothetical.
Keeping Your Poise
But what happens when one was not prepared to receive the
call and cannot think of anything specific to say at the
moment? The worst thing to do is to stumble. When a ques-
tioner senses uncertainty or hesitation, the first thought is
frequently that the person on the other end is either avoiding
sharing negative information or is hiding something. It is of
the utmost importance to never sound unsure of oneself or
reticent during a shidduch call.
The best thing to do in such a scenario is to politely tell
the person calling, “Yes, I know the young man/woman, they
are wonderful, and I am happy to have this conversation. But
now is not a good time for me to speak. When can we
reschedule the conversation?”
This gives one the opportunity to gather one’s thoughts,
put together decisive qualities to share, and share them con-
fidently and succinctly, especially if one is a little out of touch
with the single or their family. Rather than saying, “Oh, I don’t
really know them that well anymore,” which looks bad for
everyone, when one instead asks to reschedule for a more
convenient time, it leaves a fine impression all around and
grants a reprieve to prepare for a conversation that will be
helpful and tachlisdik.
Similarly, if one receives a shidduch call when they are
doing dishes, putting the kids to bed, out shopping, or other-
wise stressed and occupied, it is best to employ the same tac-
tic. We live in a day and age where everyone’s time and atten-
tion are taxed to the max, and no one will think twice about
a response of “I am really sorry, but it’s very hectic here right
now, and I really want to give this conversation the proper
attention. Can we try and talk a little later?”
Granted, there can be a feeling of pressure to have the
conversation immediately because one may fear that one will
let the single down by pushing off the call; but much more
damage can be done as a result of a poor conversation that
sounds as if one is unenthusiastic, disinterested, or has noth-
ing good to say than can be done by making the very reason-
able request to postpone a phone call that was not pre-
arranged. It’s the most understandable of requests and indi-
cates a sincerity and devotion to taking the call seriously.
u 410 358 8509 u 45
