My family and I just passed the shloshim of my father, Herbert A. Kelman, MD, a”h. During the shiva, as I shared with friends and family my father’s challenges and life achievements, I also discovered fresh anecdotes of his life from his surviving friends and colleagues. Sadly, not too many of them remain; after all, he was the last of his generation, passing away at the ripe old age of 95! My daughter Naomi shared with us an interview she penned about his life as part of a college course. Upon reading it, I was amazed at how many particulars of my father’s life I had forgotten or had never known, even though I thought I knew all the details of his long life.

The situation described in the letter you printed from Deep in the Hole two issues ago (Dec. 2019 Vol. 35 Issue 5) is indeed “heartrending.” While it might seem impossible to pull this gentleman out of his financial hole, we should thank him for his honest portrayal. His story serves as an excellent cautionary tale for young people.

For the first time in U.S. history, it is believed, the present generation of young adults will not fare as well financially as their parents did. This means that young people need to be especially conscientious about their financial planning as well as about their ideas and values regarding money. (It’s an important topic for shidduchim as well. See sidebar.) We are fortunate to have an organization like Mesila to help those looking for financial guidance. It is precisely because Orthodox families incur additional expenses for food, education, and more that it is incumbent on them to be financially savvy. That includes Jewish educators preparing the next generation to be able to afford the demands of Orthodox living.

Over the past number of decades, klal Yisrael as a whole has grown so much in terms of dikduk (meticulousness) in mitzvos. This is true of so many different halachos: standards of kashrus, shmiras Shabbos, Torah learning – the list goes on. In regard to shmiras halashon, there has also been tremendous headway in awareness of this serious issue. Many people therefore study sefer Chofetz Chaim or one of the many English sefarim about shmiras halashon on a regular basis. Yet many of us continue to struggle with the adherence, in practice, to the halachos of shmiras halashon.

Just recently, I presented some practical applications of hilchos lashon hara to a number of serious yeshiva students. They were a bit shocked 

Chanukah vacation has passed, Purim is far away, and the midyear slump is upon us. This is the time to get into the solid work of life – keeping to a schedule, teaching content, doing homework. All our lofty aspirations from the beginning of the year are taking shape now in the day-to-day reality that is parenting and teaching.

How do we make sure that we keep going in the right direction toward achieving what we hoped for at the beginning of the year? We have all experienced looking back at a decision that turned out poorly and saying, “What was I thinking?” While this column won’t prevent that totally, it may minimize its likelihood. The key to getting to our desired destination when planning a task or activity with our children and students is to ask the question, why?

I was shopping at Seven Mile Market when I bumped into Shlomo Tzvi Baden, who over 20 years ago, when he was a student at Georgia Tech, boarded in my home in Atlanta. He asked me if I would be interested in hosting singles for a Shabbos meal once a month. After filling out a form answering questions on preferences, etc., for his project, Singles on the First (SotF), my husband and I had the privilege of hosting two young women for Shabbos lunch. When recently I asked to host singles again, Mr. Baden said, “I need more people, both singles and hosts, in your neighborhood and others.”

SotF is one of the latest efforts by Baltimore individuals and organizations to focus on singles. Mr. Baden started this project a little over a year ago after reading an article by a divorced woman. She felt frustrated and neglected and asked others to please reach out to to her. Mr. Baden felt that he “had to step up and do something” for all singles. First he contacted several rabbis to ask if anyone was setting up singles for Shabbos meals. Rabbi Daniel Rose, of Congregation B’nai Jacob Shaarei Zion, told him that Steve Schwarz had recently asked him a similar question. Soon, Mr. Baden and Mr. Schwarz started SotF. Although they confer with each other, Mr. Schwarz mainly arranges formal meals several times a year for 10 or more singles, while Mr. Baden sets up singles once a month for Shabbos meals.

SotF’s purpose may be for singles to have a place to eat on Shabbos, but it has a side benefit: When singles meet more people in the community, and their hosts get to know them, magical things might happen, like dating suggestions.

Mt. Everest is one of the world’s most remote spots. To get there from Kathmandu, you have to walk through the Himalayas for days to the remote town of Lukla. Or you can take a turbulent half-hour flight to Lukla, the most dangerous airport in the world. Once you land, it’s a seven- to twelve-day trek to Everest Base Camp at the foot of the great mountain. On Everest itself, the weather is unpredictable with high winds and surprise blizzards. You risk altitude sickness, frostbite, and exhaustion, and you can die from an avalanche or a fall.

You would think people would avoid this place, yet thousands have visited it. Thousands more yearn to go. It is so crowded that there are “traffic jams,” lines of climbers ascending or descending in single file. With no way to pass each other, if you are stuck too long in the “death zone,” you can run out of oxygen and simply collapse. Rescue missions are almost impossible, and those who do not make it will lie frozen in this wasteland forever.

Pinchus Shnier of Baltimore went to Mt. Everest. Here is his story.

With the start of 2020, we have launched on a brand new year – and a brand new decade! May we all have perfect, 20/20 vision this year (if only in the metaphorical sense) to revisit our aspirations and goals. For me, this mid-winter new year has always been a good time to reevaluate and plan for the future. And while long-term goals are great, having several small goals that are easily attainable will start the year off right. Breaking a big goal down into manageable chunks is crucial. And those chunks should be easy to accomplish and have a time limit. The Chofetz Chaim once said that his resolution for the New Year was to bentch from a bentcher from Rosh Hashanah until Chanukah. That was his goal. It was doable and had a time limit.  

PetALS and Thorns (Tfutza Publications, 2019) is a collection of essays written by Esther Klein, a woman in Israel who suffers from ALS (Lou Gehrig’s Disease). The book is fascinating because it gives the reader insight into the thoughts of a woman who cannot talk or move but whose mind is working perfectly. She was able to type these articles with great effort using the one finger that was still working. In the preface of the book, her children write that she is no longer able to use that one finger so they had to write the preface for her.

Esther speaks about her hashkafos in life and her great love for her family. She is able to express her feelings in an honest and refreshing way. Somehow when the words come from the heart of a woman who is suffering so much, they are meaningful and believable.

Dear Rabbi Hochberg,

The other night I was having a discussion with my husband about our twelve-year old son. Apparently, he has not been doing his homework and the teachers are getting frustrated with him. He is a smart boy who gets excellent grades at school. But he doesn’t like to do homework. My husband tries every night to help him, but it usually ends in a fight with both of them frustrated. We tried bribing him, threatening him, talking to him, etc., but nothing works. I don’t want to get another phone call from his teacher.

What should we do?

Frustrated Mom

On December 18, at our Chayeinu event, we had the privilege to hear Rabbi Yaakov Horowitz speak with parents in our community on having an ongoing dialogue with their children about alcohol and drug use. During the talk, he shared a story about a conversation he had with a policeman who had responded to an overdose in the Jewish community. While the Rabbi expressed some surprise that the opioid crisis was now taking Jewish lives, the policeman reminded him that there is no good reason for Jews to be immune, because substance use and abuse is a human problem.