I have been working for Ahavas Yisrael for over 43 years, counseling hundreds of families and individuals on financial matters. You’d be surprised at what I have found to be one of the biggest wastes of money: It is storage expenses!

Years ago, I was working with an individual on a budget as he was falling short every month, going into heavier debt every year. I discovered that he was paying $200 each month for storage. I asked, “What are you storing in your storage space, and how long have you been paying storage?” He told me he had a few massage tables that he used when he had a massage business 10 years before and that the tables were worth about $3,000. I looked him in the eye and said, “You spent $24,000 for 10 years of storage for something you think you could sell for $3,000.” (That is 600 gallons of gas at $4.00/gallon to fill your car.) The fact is that the tables could maybe fetch $800 to $900, if he is lucky.

To the Shadchan:

 I dated a girl for about half a year, and we finally got engaged. Then Corona hit. With lockdown, no large gatherings were allowed, and my kallah’s mother said, you can’t get married now. The mother is a “party lady” and has been looking forward to her only daughter’s wedding for a long time. My kallah and I said we’ll get married in a backyard with a minyan, but the mother said absolutely not. She told her daughter, “If he loves you, he will wait.” The mother was adamant, and the father went along with her. The grandparents got involved and gave their opinion: no.

It is now two years later. We are planning a wedding in a few months. The mother says that all the guests have to test for Covid before coming. I certainly don’t like that idea. At this point, I am having doubts about the marriage. My kallah is a wonderful person, and we have been through so much together (including a lot of arguments), but I am very concerned about the family and the influence they will have on us. At the beginning I thought they were the perfect family, loving and involved – my own parents are uninvolved in my life – and the siblings are great, etc. But this Covid situation has brought out some very controlling tendencies. I am also disappointed that my kallah didn’t have the backbone to stand up to her parents. Why is she listening to them and not to me?

I could still get out of it, but should I? As I said above, I am conflicted. I’ve put so much time into this relationship and would happily marry the girl – but I’m worried about her crazy family.

My father encouraged us to be handy. He encouraged us to read the instructions and do it ourselves if we could. One of my fond memories of childhood is reaffixing the car rearview mirror after it fell off. Although I did wonder a bit why a rearview mirror was important – after all, people drive forward not backward – I proceeded to reaffix the mirror. I bought the glue, positioned the mirror, and then followed the instructions, holding the freshly glued mirror in place without moving for 40 minutes as I waited for the glue to dry.

From a young age, children develop a fascination with watches. Many a watch is purchased at the dollar store as a prize for young children who are earning their keep. The disadvantage of this purchase is that the watches never work. The advantage, of course, is that the child has no idea how to tell time. The watch, which is worn upside down as often as it is worn right side up, is like a badge of honor. If you ask a kid what time it is, you might get the kind of answer I did when I queried my friend’s three-year-old grandson. Expertly flipping his wrist around, he looked at his watch and said in a worried voice, “It’s 40 cents. I’m late,” and he hurried off. I’m not sure if he was on his way to work or if he just had a play date with the toys in the next room. Either way, time was of the essence.

  When my coworker Haviva Bulka first mentioned that she was housing Baltimore’s new Proposal Gemach, my curiosity was piqued. What in the world is a proposal gemach? Does it make volunteers available to propose for you if you are as shy as Miles Standish? Legend has it that the leader of the Pilgrims wanted to marry Pricilla Mullins but lacked the confidence to propose. Instead, he sent his friend John Alden to pop the question. When John conveyed Miles’ proposal, Pricilla said, “Speak for yourself, John.” They got married and lived happily ever after – John and Pricilla, that is. I soon learned that the Proposal Gemach does nothing of the sort.

Our tradition obligates us to care for our parents until the end of life – personally, if possible, yet if not, then to employ caregivers for their assistance. The assumption is that the issue of providing appropriate care is now resolved. However, as someone who has been involved as a mental heath therapist, care advocate, and sometimes a relative with individuals and families approaching elder care both at home and in facilities, I can say that this is when the real watchdog effort needs to take place.

A number of years ago I attended a family bar mitzvah in Israel. Everyone there was related to the bar mitzvah boy. There were grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles. I noticed two strangers sitting at one of the tables and wondered how they were related. It turns out they weren’t. They were seminary girls who had called and asked if they could come for Shabbos lunch, since the family was on the list of Shabbos lunch hostesses.

“Why not,” the hostess thought. “There is plenty of food!” The two girls sat though the whole family simcha. I worried about them, because I thought we should be paying more attention to them so they wouldn’t feel like outsiders. But the girls seemed fine and unperturbed by this peculiar situation.

It seems strange to put two perfectly normal girls from normal families in the position of poor people who have no place to eat and need to ask strangers for a place in the middle of a family simcha. This year my granddaughter is in seminary in Israel, and I was interested in hearing about her experiences going to strangers for Shabbos.

Among many other challenges of aging is determining when it is appropriate to accept assistance with healthcare. There are several different options available, such as remaining in your home with aides, moving to an assisted living facility, or moving to a nursing home. Each option has different financial ramifications and considerations. I hope to provide you with an idea of the relative costs and ways to pay for the different options. In addition, I will go through some of the estate planning techniques available to assist you in this process.

I was in the pool yesterday swimming laps. I’m getting into a nice routine these days. I know what clothes to pack and have all my toiletries arranged together so I’m ready for the shower after my swim. When I’m in the locker room, I hear a lot of plastic bags crinkling as other women organize themselves too. I’ve gotten pretty good at this schedule and very rarely leave something behind.

Not much has been written about Rebbetzin Tamar Shteinman, and that which I have read did not do the personality of this great woman justice. It is therefore an honor to bring the life story of Rebbetzin Tamar Shteinman to light.

For this article, which is part of a series about the wives of Gedolim, I was zochah to get to know Rebbetzin Sarah Yisraelzon, the daughter of Harav Yosef Shalom Elyashiv, zt”l. It was Rebbetzin Yisraelzon who put me in touch with a granddaughter of her dear neighbor, Rebbetzin Tamar Shteinman, a”h. Rebbetzin Shteinman’s granddaughter was able to paint a very warm and vibrant picture of her beloved savta. It was also a real privilege to speak to Rebbetzin Tova Shapiro, the only living daughter of Rebbetzin Shteinman.