It has become obvious, especially in recent years, that many people in the United States enjoy drinking alcohol and taking other drugs. The alcohol industry makes billions of dollars in sales annually. Tons of heroin and cocaine flow into the United States. Millions of prescriptions for opioids and benzodiazepines are filled annually, fueling overdose rates that are much higher in the United States than in other countries. Corporations and politicians work overtime to increase legal access to marijuana. The Juul e-cigarette company, which claims to market to adults, creates nicotine pods with the flavor of peaches, grapes, and berries. Substance use is big business.

One impact of all of this drug consumption is that many people develop a substance use disorder. (We tend to use the technical term “substance use disorder” instead of words like “alcoholic” or “addict” that convey a more pejorative meaning.) We hope that this article will be the first in a series of articles discussing substance use disorder and its treatment. This type of community education is an important part of the mission of Chayainu, a new community organization founded by Dr. Aviva Weisbord, Mrs. Esti Ziffer, and Larry Ziffer. Our aim is to help rabbis, schools, parents, and teenagers address the multiple challenges of preventing, identifying, and treating substance use disorder. We have met with the Vaad HaRabbanim, which strongly supports our efforts. We have also met with local schools and hope to work closely with other organizations that have led the way in addressing the impact of substance use disorder inside and outside of our community. There will soon be announcements about a series of parent education and awareness sessions that will feature useful information and strategies for educating our children and promoting wellness in our schools, shuls, and families.

I am a mother of a daughter in her mid-twenties. During her teenage years, she had a rough time. She was involved with drugs, dropped out of school, and got into a lot of trouble. She has matured and is now a law-abiding citizen. My problem is that it is very hard for me to advocate for her in finding a husband. Aside from her history, I see her faults clearly, and I am not sure if she has the attributes necessary to be a good wife. She does not have skills to earn a good living, although she is working towards her AA degree. She argues a lot with her siblings, is not helpful in the upkeep of the house, and does not have good social skills. The truth is that, if I had a son, I would not want him to marry a girl like my daughter.

Still, I care about her and would love to see her married and settled. I just don’t know how to approach the whole subject. If I tell shadchanim and my network of friends the truth, they will not look for a shidduch for her, but if I don’t tell them the truth, how can I live with myself?

I’ve made a colossal claim in my title. Are you really about to learn the recipe for the best doughnuts ever? Well, I’m not sure, but this recipe is amazing. You see, I’ve made sufganiyot (doughnuts) for years – and they never come out right! I don’t know why. I’ve gotten recipes from lots of doughnut makers whose doughnuts are delicious. I say, “Can I have your recipe,” and they generously share them. Then I try it and still get flat, fried dough. It’s very disappointing – almost like Charlie Brown and the football. Every year I try again, and every year that football is snatched away – although, truth be told, you can’t really fail with doughnuts, because we’re still dealing with fried dough with sugar, if you know what I mean.

This time it was different. Shira Perlman (of Delightfully Sweet fame) gave me a trick that is fool-proof (or, at least, Bracha-proof). I am now part of that elite group that gets fluffy doughnuts every time. Hooray! And, dear reader, you, too, can now be part of this group. Read on.

When the tragic synagogue shooting occurred in Pittsburgh, it was a given that every law school in the country would talk about it in some form. I can guarantee you that the secular professors and students discussed freedom of religion with as much intellectual theory and doctrine as possible. What I can’t guarantee is that they understood the personal pain that every Jew feels when we hear of anti-Semitic events both great and small. And why should they?

By the same token, the word Holocaust cannot possibly mean the same thing to them as it does to me, someone who cannot ask her Bubby about the multitude of family members killed in the Holocaust without it causing her Bubby to cry. Oh, yes, you’ll find that the Holocaust is a very common comparison used in both undergraduate and graduate discussions. When these discussions come up, I rarely express my personal connection to it. Usually, my colleagues know that I’m Jewish, and to me, it’s important that I don’t complain about what the world did or what it has come to. Instead, I choose not to be a victim. I choose to be a solution. The question then becomes, how?

As any good boy scout will tell you, there is a technique to building a bonfire. If you put together large sticks, as I’ve seen in picture books, the fire won’t catch. If you put a match on a pile of leaves, they will light quickly and burn out just as quickly. If you want to build a bonfire, there needs to be both tinder to start the flame and larger logs to sustain it over the long term.

Building a bonfire struck me as a good metaphor for chinuch, after a conversation I had with some other women. They had raised their children half a generation ago. Their children complain that they left their schools without feeling a deep connection and understanding of their Yiddishkeit; they were only drilled and tested to excel in Torah learning. I have had an entirely different experience. I find my children’s chinuch to be inspirational and aspirational. In fact, when I talk to young parents, I’m more concerned about the continual push for even more inspiration and less academics. The pendulum has swung in the other direction.

With reams of scientific data available online, and information available through the CDC, your personal physician, and other community forums, clearly you know all there is to know about vaccines, viruses, and epidemics...or do you?

With the recent measles outbreaks in Monsey, Brooklyn, and Lakewood, as well as in Europe and Israel, government leaders, school principals, and parents face difficult decisions – even though, as of  November 18, 2018, there is no known outbreak of the measles virus in Baltimore.

 Although vaccination has been proven to prevent and even eradicate many diseases – and although a majority of the population is vaccinated – a parallel movement has grown up of parents who believe that vaccination may harm their children and have refused to have them vaccinated. Feelings run high on both sides, as might be expected when issues of life-and-death, literally, are involved.

My career as a game planner for Chanuka parties began when I was a child living at home with my parents and siblings. Every year, I planned a treasuMy re hunt for each member of the family. When I was in Gateshead Seminary, far away from home, I chose presents for each of my siblings (small things like chocolate bars) and then wrote four or five clues for each present. The whole box was sent before Chanuka with instructions to my sister closest in age to me to hide the clues and the presents.

Forty-five years later, in my role as Bubby, I am still planning Chanuka parties. I’m lucky that a number of my married children live in Baltimore, which makes it easier to get everyone together. I like to imagine that my children and grandchildren look forward to seeing all their aunts, uncles, and cousins once a year at a party. What is the definition of a party? I guess each family has its own definition. But, most likely, every Chanuka party includes food and games. Sometimes, I have the nachas of hearing one of the grandchildren ask if we are going to do such and such a game again this year. If they ask that question, then, of course, answer is going to be yes. If you, my grandchild, enjoyed the game and remembered it, then why not?

“Your pantry saved me during such a difficult time…”

“Saying thank you is not enough…”

“Mi ke’amcha Yisrael…”

“I have no words…”

*  *  *

Bikur Cholim of Baltimore has earned a reputation for providing numerous essential resources and constant support to the cholim (sick) of Baltimore. One of the organization’s most utilized services is the Bikur Cholim Hospitality Rooms found in multiple local hospitals. These pantries provide a wide variety of kosher food, free-of-charge, to families as they tend to their loved ones.

Recently, Karen Katz found herself in a hospital with a family member who needed medical attention. Unable to go home, she made her way to Bikur Cholim’s Hospitality Room and found a comfortable room that provided food, reading material, and, most of all, a place to relax and reenergize. With the desire to publicize this service, Karen approached me to write an article about Bikur Cholim’s Hospitality Rooms. As a Bikur Cholim volunteer myself, I thought writing this article would be a piece of cake. But as I began to research, I was overwhelmed by the magnitude of chesed Bikur Cholim of Baltimore does every day via its Hospitality Rooms. Moreover, I was astounded by the sheer number of volunteers and donors who keep the pantries running and fully stocked 24/7.

I have served as a very proud member of the board of Pearlstone from its inception in 2001. Pearlstone, today, in 2018, is a 180-acre nature retreat and conference center as well as a working organic farm complex just 24 minutes from Pikesville. Once you arrive at Pearlstone, driving through woods-lined roads and bountiful cornfields, you are in the picturesque outdoors, far from the hustle-and-bustle of city and suburban living. You have entered the scenic rural countryside. You will witness lovely sunsets at dusk and marvel at the bright stars and vast heavens by night. You may sing and roast kosher marshmallows at a campfire or relax by toasty fireplaces in our lobby or lounges. Then you will experience a deep and restful sleep in one of our newly-redecorated guest bedrooms. You will be awakened by the crowing of the Pearlstone roosters in the morning. You will enjoy watching the Pearlstone goats grazing in grassy pastures and squawking chickens running about. The air is fresh, so take deep breaths and suck it all in. Take a morning stroll and visit the large pond for boating (soon to be licensed for fishing), and the two large outdoor swimming pools. Visit our farm and gardens and pick strawberries and blueberries. Welcome to the Pearlstone!

As a parent and as a teacher, I’ve been to a lot of November parent-teacher conferences. My children’s school in Rochester was small enough that they scheduled the entire team to meet with the parents of each student at the same time. During one meeting, a teacher very seriously noted that my child was losing his place when taking a test leading to missed questions. I didn’t know how to respond or help. Another teacher leaned in, “I found the best tool,” she said, holding up her pointer finger, “My finger. I point to help him when he needs. Do you want to borrow it?” Everyone laughed, and we had a productive conference.

Why do we do these conferences? Both parents and teachers spend a good portion of the day with a child but never at the same time. We need an opportunity to share our observations, concerns, hopes, and dreams for each child in all academic, social, and emotional areas. Face-to-face conversations get more done than those over the phone. Having a designated time for the conversation guarantees that every student, not just the most concerning, get this focus. We are allotted four minutes of time to accomplish this very weighty goal – kind of like speed-dating but about our kids. It’s not much time, but there are things we can do before, during, and after the conference to make the most of the opportunity.

To the Shadchan:

I have been dating for seven years now, and this is my story: I am a professional, pretty, and have a good personality – at least according to my friends.

At this point, most of my friends are married and busy with small children. Besides, they no longer seem to know eligible guys. They know lots of shadchanim, though, and every time a new one comes to town, I get a call: “Did you know that Sara the matchmaker is coming? Oh, you’ve got to call her!”

I’ve met lots of shadchanim. There was a time when I would drive to New York and Lakewood to meet them. I decided that it was a waste of time as they have girls in their cities to set up. Let me tell you, going to a shadchan can be overwhelming. Some of them think they can ask you the most personal questions. It is demeaning! It is almost if you are going for a job interview, except I don’t think a boss would dare ask the questions I get asked – like, why aren’t you married yet? And what are your three most prominent attributes? They seem to just go down a standard worksheet. And in the end, do they ever have an idea? No! Nothing. Some shadchanim actually engaged me in conversation and seemed interested in me as a person, although they, too, did not have suggestions. But at least it was a positive experience.

What are the food trends for the coming year? 

Well, first, there’s a new super-food hitting our community: the acai berry. This berry is found in the rainforests of Brazil. It is packed with antioxidants, anti-cancer substances, and may even boost brain function. (Who am I not to give my brain a boosting?!) The berry is a gorgeous purple color and is all around super fun. How do you even say it? It is pronounced ah-SA-ee. The actual berry has a very short shelf life, so the easiest (and cheapest way) of using it is either in a puree or a powder. The puree has the most fiber and the most health benefits.

Here in Baltimore people are making acai berry bowls. These are a smoothie-like puree made with frozen fruit and served in a bowl – then topped with fresh fruit. (We even make these at Sweet and Good Catering!) However, in Brazil and New York, the acai berry has moved beyond just the smoothie bowl and is being found in all sorts of savory dishes and even drinks. 

I am a travel buff. It is my goal to visit every state in the United States (I’ve done 33, so far) and many countries throughout the world. There are a lot of countries out there. Some, like Australia and South Africa, are at the top of my list. Some, like Myanmar and Sierra Leone, don’t sound all that appealing. Some, like Iran and Yemen, might be interesting but are off the table for obvious reasons. Antarctica would be amazing, but it’s not actually a country.

So, when it was time pick a place for my annual vacation with my good friends and favorite traveling companions, the Wyszynskis, there were many potential choices. When we started traveling together many years ago, our trips were easy drives from the Wyszynski home in Los Angeles. We slowly got more adventurous and made our way to the farther reaches of California and nearby states. Last year, we got even more adventurous and went on a spectacular trip to Hawaii. Where do we go next? Should we dial it back a little? We all look forward to this trip each year, but maybe the expectations are too high – or maybe not. Diego, the leader of our fearless group came up with another great idea: Hong Kong! But that was not on my list! It sounded crazy, but maybe it was not so crazy.

I’m in the middle of davening Mincha in an empty classroom. I’m a college sophomore, but it’s my first semester in a secular university. I have no idea how I’ll handle the situation if someone comes in and sees me bowing and muttering to what looks like a book. My mission: Don’t. Get. Caught.

When I hear the door open in the middle of Shemonei Esrei, I freeze. Uh oh. 

I met these students earlier, so they are more likely to talk to me. Mission failed.

They are asking me a question. Ladies and gentlemen, at this point, we are past “uh oh.” We are now down right in trouble!

“Hey, Rena, right? Is there going to be a class in here now?”

Ah! Hashem, why? What do I do? What do I do? I can’t talk. I can’t even move. Lest we forget, I’m in the middle of Shemonei Esrei! But they won’t understand that.

It was a beautiful autumn day, and autumn is a fleeting season in Israel. We have pine needles instead of maple or oak leaves, which don’t change color. But the weather was not too hot or too cold, only 77 degrees Fahrenheit. The sky was blue with a few puffs of clouds, and I woke up too late for my first shiur. We don’t have weekends in Israel as in America – Rabbi Sholom Schwadron, the famous “magid” from Shaarei Chesed called American Sundays “Shabbos sheini shel goliyus” – and I needed a break.

I put on my helmet, hopped on my bicycle, and sped southward. My first destination was the First Station, a recreational complex of restaurants, stores, and sports activities that surround the first train station in Yerushalayim, built by the Ottomans in the late nineteenth century. Alongside this area, the city paved a designated bike path that runs all the way down to the Biblical Zoo.

Although it’s been many years since I had young children in school and had to face the dreaded phone calls from teachers and rebbeim about misbehavior, I haven’t forgotten them. I remember how helpless and hopeless I felt when I got negative feedback from my children’s teachers and principals. What do I do? What should I say? How much control do I have over my children, anyway, especially when they are not with me? Why is everyone else’s child behaving and not mine? Are all the children “A” students except mine?

As long as there are schools and children, principals and parents, the dilemma of the “phone call from school” will be with us. I thought it would be interesting to speak to some school administrators to find out how they would like parents to react to those inevitable phone calls and to parents on how they want to be approached.

Many community members are well-acquainted with Levindale Hebrew Geriatric Center and Hospital, tucked-away on the Sinai-Lifebridge Health campus on Belvedere Avenue. It is a Baltimore icon dating back to 1890 (when it was called Hebrew Friendly Inn). Fewer of us are familiar with one of its programs, which originated in the 1990s, called the Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP). I had the pleasure of speaking to Director of Outpatient Behavioral Health Services, Hannah Kilburg, and PHP Admissions Liaison, Bracha Poliakoff, about the great number of outpatient successe they have witnessed in this program.

“A lot of people get turned off because the word hospitalization in the title, but it is actually an outpatient program,” notes Ms. Kilburg. “Inpatient hospitalization is what we seek to avoid, so it is ideal for folks in the community experiencing some worsening symptoms that interfere with their daily life and put them at risk of inpatient hospitalization.” PHP also takes patients who have been hospitalized and made some progress in the hospital but still have a way to go. The program helps them get back to baseline.