Ever hear that you are not supposed to cry over spilt milk? So why do the Jews sit on the floor every year on the ninth of Av, mourning the destruction of the Temple, which happened eons ago? And while “they lived happily ever after” is a great ending for a children’s story, we cynical adults smirk at the thought. We’ve been around long enough to know there are no happy endings. So what is this naïve hoping for Mashiach?

And it’s not like this hoping is a take-it-or-leave-it footnote to Judaism, either. Maimonides lists belief in the coming of the Messiah as one of the Thirteen Principles of Faith. Why is it so fundamental?

Once again, I learned something from my children. I learned that change is good. I’m not talking about change as in trying something new, such as going on an upside-down roller coaster, eating gluten-free cookies, or, even worse, self-improvement. I’m talking about real, no-nonsense change. You know, like nickels, dimes, quarters, and even those pesky pennies. You see, it all started about a year ago when one of my children asked if they could keep the loose change from a purchase. Not really thinking too much about it, I said yes. This quest for change morphed into other seemingly benign appeals, like asking for the quarter that was lying on the floor of the car or keeping the change that fell out of someone’s pocket and remained on the floor for more than a nanosecond. Little by little, it turned into an inside joke. The phrase “Got Change?” became a family motto and was rewarded with a small donation each time it was uttered.

When the editor of the Where What When asked me to write an article commemorating Reuven Fishman’s 40th yahrzeit, on 26 Iyar, 5738, I was extremely busy with various work-related projects and trainings, in addition to my normal schedule. Nevertheless, I threw caution to the winds and immediately agreed to do it as a true labor of love because of the strong kesher (connection) our family and so many others shared with Reuven. Not only was he beloved Above and below but also, since he was killed as a bachur leaving no descendants, the memories kept alive in the hearts of his many yedidim (friends) have to serve in lieu of biological offspring. With the passage of time, our memories haven’t dulled, but they have inevitably receded from the forefront of our consciousness.

Reuven was one of six passengers killed in the terrorist bus bombing of June 2, 1978, when an Egged bus exploded in Bayit Vegan near the end of its route. To understand Reuven’s life and how he came to be in Yerushalayim that fateful day, I will first present a brief biographical sketch.

As you all probably know, a new tax law was enacted toward the end of December 2017 and took effect in 2018. There are some fundamental changes that will change how we see taxes, and they will affect the economy and decisions we make. We have all been talking about the ability to save money with 529 accounts. There is another part of the law, however, that has a far bigger effect on the frum community – and that is the ability to deduct charity. I’m not sure why we are not hearing more talk in the community regarding this one.

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What is income tax? What are tax deductions? How does it all work? Let’s review the basics of the old law. Step one: You add up your income. Step two: You deduct either a standard amount or your itemized list. Step three: You deduct (approximately) $4,000 for each person in the family. The result was your “taxable income.” You then paid a percentage of your taxable income in tax.

What changed: In the new law, you do not get to claim dependents. Kids are history – well, not exactly. In lieu of deductions for dependents, you get a child tax credit of $2,000 per child under 17 and $500 for other dependents.

Now let’s look at itemized deductions. The itemized deductions are: 1) medical expenses over 7.5% of your income, 2) real estate taxes, 3) state income taxes, 4) mortgage interest, and 5) charity. If the sum of these totals more than the standard deduction, you would claim the total instead of the standard deduction. That is called “itemizing.” Bottom line is that when people owned a house they generally itemized. Even a few non-home owners itemized if they had high state taxes and high charity.

You do not get to claim both the standard and the itemized deduction. It is one or the other. Obviously, you should itemize if it is higher. But if your itemized list is lower than the standard deduction, then you claim that. Now, here’s the important part: In the past, it was not hard to exceed the $12,600 standard deduction. The new law, however, is a whole different ballgame. The new law increased the standard deduction to $24,000. And, although the items included in your itemized deductions generally stay the same, state income taxes and real estate taxes combined cannot be more then $10,000. Ouch!

It is sometimes tricky to figure out what to serve during the Nine Days. But between parve and dairy, there are plenty of dishes out there. In fact, I see the restrictions as actually giving me a “framed canvas” within which to work. Here are a few of my favorite easy-to-cook and well-received recipes.  

Fish Tacos

I find that the more involved my kids are in their dining experience, the more they eat. I love food where my kids can pick exactly what they want and assemble it themselves. For this recipe, you can use soft tacos or hard tacos; you could even use a burrito. If I’m making these for my kids, I eliminate the hot sauce.

The festivities at Arugas Habosem were planned for March 20, 2018 (4 Nissan). That was the day that Rabbi Shaya Taub’s congregation on Clark’s Lane would pour the boros (pools) for its new mikveh. Unfortunately, the celebration was cut short when the sad news arrived that the Rebbetzin’s mother, Rebbetzin Chava Israel, a”h, was nifteres.

Rebbetzin Israel, mother of Rebbetzin Malka Faiga Taub, was a well-known figure in Williamsburg, where she was cofounder, along with Satmar Rebbetzin, Rebbetzin Alta Feige Teitelbaum, a”h, of the renowned Bikur Cholim D’Satmar, in 1957. In fact, decades ago, in recognition of her exemplary Bikur Cholim volunteerism, Rebbetzin Israel was asked to rise at a dinner held in the Waldorf Astoria, where she received a thunderous ovation from over 2,000 attendees, which included 99 Bikur Cholim volunteers.

Here, Rebbetzin Taub graciously shares a glimpse of her powerhouse parents and her childhood.

The blaring Israeli music with the distinct “workout beat” piqued my curiosity. I peered inside the room off the lobby of the Crowne Plaza Hotel in Stamford, Connecticut, last month, and saw women of all ages doing something I had never seen before: “kangoo dancing.” Wearing elevated jump shoes on springs that allowed them to “pogo” to the wild beat, they seemed to be having the time of their life as they danced in pairs and solo. You would never guess that the circumstance that brought them together was the tragic loss of their husbands.

The Shabbaton was a joint project of Samchainu, a support organization for widows founded over 11 years ago by Breindy Halberstam and Shani Stefansky Waldman, and Nagilla, a Lakewood-based support group for widows. In Hebrew, samchainu means “our joy,” and while watching the women dance, smiling ear to ear, it struck me how apropos the name is.

While Israel is being bombarded by Hamas and Islamic Jihad with rockets and burning kites, the poor Jews in the Diaspora are being bombarded with biased, anti-Israel news coverage. They are told that Israel is using “disproportionate force,” a phrase we also heard a lot during the last war, Operation Defensive Shield. They are told of the plight of the poor Palestinian refugees “peacefully” protesting their “right of return” – a parody of the term Israel uses to gather in its own Diaspora, chok hashvut, or “the law of return.”

Until 1967, Israel was the little David fighting the mighty Goliath of the Arab world. Today, after the “crime” of success in war and in economic and societal development, it’s the opposite. And so, the narrative is about “unarmed” Palestinians, including a 20-year-woman “medic,” whose “sole” purpose on the “battlefield” was to tend to victims when she was “cruelly” shot dead by an Israeli sniper. Unfortunately, a video of her lobbing a hand grenade toward the Israelis did not make the mainstream news and anyway came too late, after people had already made up their minds.

We, as a community, have suffered our share of tragic overdose deaths, and many community members and their families are suffering the effects of various addictions. But what is addiction? Is it a brain disease? A moral failing? Or something else? And how should it be treated? Is entering an inpatient rehab facility the best way to cure addiction? Is attending 12-step programs the only effective option for those in recovery? Or are there alternative approaches?

After I started reading and listening to experts on YouTube about addiction, I, too, became “hooked” – on learning as much as possible about the subject, that is. So much of what I believed turned out to be not evidence-based science. Even when there is evidence-based data, scientists don’t necessarily agree on what addiction is, interpreting the same information in different ways.

Dear Rebbetzin Katz, 

I realize that your goal is more than just getting a couple under the chupa but also making certain that the simcha between the chassan and kalla is a lasting one. My husband and I find ourselves dealing with some issues regarding my son and his kalla that give us reason to worry about that outcome.

Some background: Our kids have all chosen different paths along the “derech” – some to the right, some to the left – and their spouses reflect those choices. As a result, their desires and needs before and after their weddings have varied widely. We tried to be even-handed with our children, setting aside money over the years to help them achieve their goals: getting through yeshiva, undergraduate, and sometimes post-graduate educations. We have made weddings and helped them get a start in their married lives. The amounts for each child were roughly equivalent, but the way it was spent has been different. For instance, one kalla is a baalas teshuva who wasn’t into jewelry, and she chose other things instead of the usual kalla gifts. We paid for another son who chose to go to graduate school and have a very minimalist wedding, while his more yeshivish brother, who is now the chassan, went to Eretz Yisrael to learn post-high school (which wasn’t for free).

Avrohom Reuvein ben Shimon Yitzchok, a”h

Considering the recent N’shei event honoring some of our devoted heads of gemachim, I thought this would be opportune time to express long overdue thanks to Mrs. Miryom Edelson, of the Share-a-Ride Gemach, and to the kind drivers who assisted us this past Hoshana Rabba. I hope that this letter will also serve to encourage others to participate in this relatively easy and worthy chesed. This would surely be a zechus l’iluy nishmas Avrohom Reuvein ben Shimon Yitzchok, my brother, who benefited from this wonderful gemach, bringing joy to his last Simchas Torah, as you will see.

As soon as I ask Sari, “Did you daven yet?” I know I goofed. Just a minute ago, I peeked into the living room and spied her spinning on the glider, perusing a magazine. Why did I think she’d been davening? Because she told me she was going to. Okay, but knowing Sari as I do, I should have realized. My third grader does not like davening. Not in school and not at home.

This doesn’t faze me. I recall a shiur I once heard by Rabbi Shimshon Pincus. A parent asked him, “What’s wrong with my child? He doesn’t enjoy davening.” To which Rav Pincus, in his classic style, answered. “He’s a little kid. There would be something wrong with him if he did enjoy it.” So, I’m not worried about Sari; I’m sure her tefila will come with time. I try to gently encourage her to open her siddur on Shabbos and Sunday, when she’s home from school, and I don’t sense any resentment on her part. It’s just that she won’t initiate davening on her own, and when she has a chance, she’ll try to wiggle out of it – like the way she’s trying now.